so the question is " is he the right one"

oh..
regarding to something that i wan to share the last time i was upset by it..
ya..
the prob started with my work..
so i am a typical asshole workaholic..
but recently.. i felt very very unhappy at work..
coz i used to have a bunch of very very trusted friends that work together as colleagues..
and i thgt we are ppl that can share anything under the sun..

well that is not true..
coz ppl do backstab..
the group of my 'so-called' buddies..
some of them turned their back on me..
i felt that no point..
coz it no longer make me happy working..
my weekends are better spend with my family and love ones..
so it is disheartening..

side track abit..
i guess that love is a strange thing..

why..

coz although there are times where i totally want to kill him..

and have to control myself to avoid my temper from coming up..

he acting like nothing happen..

but i dont understand why i hold back and forgive him time to time..

well.. 

everyone that know me... 

know that i am easy going person..

although i have my stubbornness la..

but i am definitely not a jin jin ji jiao kind of person..

if it is a small thing i will just show my displease and let it go..

i dont hold it long..

but he is the kind of person that will forgive but nv forget..

so he felt that ren shan bei ren qi... 

meaning if you are too kind,, ppl tends to take your weakness and bully you.

but for me... 

i dont mind the small thing....

just a small gesture or thgt can make a person day.. 

why not??? 

although it may or may not be appreciated... 

but why so ji jiao..

haha.. 

if everything also need to count until cents.. 

jia lat liao lor.. haha.. 

he is only good to friends, family and gf only..

i think i got a kinder heart then him maybe..

haha.. 

well the point is .. 

he cannot accept me for who i am.. 

coz it is just me that i am like that..

but he felt that i jiang bu ting and always kanna bully by ppl...

which i dont feel that way..

and he think that he just have to accept me for who i am instead..

i told him.. 

if so hard.. why contiune..

and he told me..

i am worth it..

sometime he is good at words..

and i think i just lost to ppl who are good at words..

erm..

regarding to work..

since long long time ago..

i was told to change job by my ex until now with my bf..

haix..

i know i know..

too comfortable is going to kill me...

Pei Shan you need to get your ass up..

back from ice age..

so after my long cold war..
i decided to de-froze myself...

i know i know..
so long didnt blog right..
haha..
coz i am dead right busy...
ya..
i had already try to finish my things and go off..
but it seem that i can nv finish..
Argh!

well.. last friday went to jas house for mookata after work! :)
it is always good to have your own house...
coz you can do all kind of shits and no one is there to nag at you.
haha...

but i got to go out last saturday la..
went shopping with ah ma and baby..
but didnt buy anything..
haha
coz we are suppose to go cycling de..
in the end.. we have to accompany my ah ma to make her pass....
haha..

den sunday we do our own cooking..
everyone tell me that arguing is common among couple...
but i know myself..
once i blow up..
i will need a long time to calm myself down..
and baby dont have the patience like yw had in the past..
so i am trying my very best to get a balance in between our temper..
but it is hard..
really hard..
and it is just a very very small matter leh..
cannot imagine if my temper come up..

haix..
i nv really know when baby is joking or serious with me..
this part i guess i still prefer yw temper..
haha..
oops..
not suppose to compare..
okay okay..

i will try to accept and appreciate what i have,, :)
okay..
yeah..
it is long weekend again.. :)
i will enjoy my weekend hopefully...

haha..
erm..
this week..
i think i will post about something i faced ytd...

still upset about it.. but i will shared what happen later...

so you know who your friends are??

well..
i seem to be able to see clearly now and know who my friends are now.. :)
not that i can not see who they are in the past..

but as time goes by..
ppl changes..
so you changes too..
i am just glad that my old pals are all still with me..
coz it make me realize friends from your primary school, secondary school and poly...
we grew up together..
of coz not to miss out my TKD friends..
and they had been there since the day i fall and still there when i picked myself up..

the so-called uni friends..
except for the ones that know me since poly..
when they got their fun and enough share of joy..
they say bye bye..
it goes the same for colleagues and ex-colleagues..
sometime it is just so hard to catch up with them..
just like a saying..
some ppl are meant to stay in your life..
some ppl are just passing by..
some ppl are even meant to stick into your life..
while some ppl are giving you good memories, there are ppl that will teach you lesson and show you the hard way..

and ppl that had been in the society for long..
their mindset is even hard to understand..
why..
coz those that grew up with you.
you all used to have the young, naive, innocent moments together..
you all didnt use those politics and dirty tricks that you have learnt in society on them..

when they want to be your friend..
they really do..
no matter what mistake they make or you do..
you tends to forgive them more easily..
and bush it off..
unlike those selfish ppl that will mark you and get back to you..
putting their schemes and plots in plan to get you down..
although i believe in karma..
but i dont believe in sabotage..

that is one thing that i have learnt recently..
now making friends..
i am going to keep my eyes sharp... :)

Listening to Jian Dan Ai..
this song has been my favorite since i was young..
to be exact is 17 yrs back..
and it dont seen to have age with times..

that is what you think you shd get..

actually you could have gotten worst..

why complaint when it is already a win win situation..

i guess you will just not be able to contented..

remember.. 

karma is not taking a break.. just soon or later only.. 

complaint some more..

and i will sit back and see what you will get.. :) 

i guess every week is busy week for me..

until i clear my things and get a new job..

pls pls.. 

let me get a new job..

if not.. 

start my own job instead.. :) 

what a weekend..

a long weekend..
and i got a frozen shoulder in return from this company..
Thanks ya..

baby have to bring me to see sin seh as it hurts so much...
thanks baby..
Love you... :)
i am just wondering..
what have actually happen to me..
worth the pain to go through all these..
i dont know..
haha..

well..
friday we went to artbox..
i dont know we go there for what since it is packed like hell..
no joke...
i go in for 15 mins at the entrance and u-turn out..
waste my time..

well..
last friday marks our 6 month anniversary!
so fast rite..
we have been together for 6 months liao..
haha :)
thanks for everything you have done..
sometime it just dont seem true to me.
but you did it.. :)

thank you for coming to my life..
when i am at my darkest point.
and thank you for staying to create a better future with me together.. :)

and i thanks all the a**h***s in the company for causing my health problem and emotional prob..
you guys are the worst of the worst...
sometime i wonder how i can tahan for so long with these kind of ppl..
well..
i shall just wait for karma to do its job..

if you guys are good..
go ahead and do what you think you are good at..

my sat..
well.. training and work..
ya..
shit me yeah..
all the bloody talk about not going back on weekend..

as for sunday..
got grading..
after we go rot around at toa payoh..
den i go home and slp..
too tired liao.
haha.. :)

i got so pissed off... i nvm understand why..

what is friends about?? 

7 yrs.. 

it make me realise..

nothing at all..

coz they just disappear when you need help.. 

i am totally pissed off... 

too stubborn.. not a good thing...

well..
i know that i am stubborn..
coz if i wan something or do something...
i will make sure i do it..
i can find determination in the things that i wan to do..

i can be easy going too..
coz normally if it is just disagreement or fight..
i will not reject having a talk to make things work or how to solve that problem..
but i dont wan to listen to your shit with no solution..
and i have my side to stand firm..

say all you wan..
i am not going to care anymore..
and i hope some days you will learn that you are not that great at all...
i will not apologize this time..
no way..
and even if you apologize..
it is not going to make me forget about it..
coz my limit is reached..

Dont.. dont ever touch my limit..

so you all finally know how i felt..

when i got pissed off by the mgmt..
the rest of them ask me to chill..
but when they all complaint and i tell them to chill i am siding the other parties..

i just guess that you all have to go and think about this matter..
is it a repeated event or different stories..
haha.. :)
readers are smart enough to know my hidden meaning..

now no matter what the company is doing or trying to do..
it is no longer my problem and interests..
i will just finish up my stuff and bye bye..
no more helping hands or advise will be given..

i am sorry..
but i am totally dishearted by the company and mgmt..
i will not join any events at all..
no more..
anti social i shall be...

this company kills my passion...

well.. my last weekend was very eventful and fun..
went JB on Sat with baby and his friends..
got my hair done and stuffs bought..
yeah yeah.. :)

and sunday..
thanks baby for sending my family down although he know that it is confirmed jammed at mandai for qing ming..
yeah..
sometime i am just thankful for baby to try and treat my family members as his own..
these few months make me realise that..
the chinese saying of ai wu ji wu..
meaning that you love the person you love that person everything...
and i found that person that love me for who i am and who my family is..
thanks baby for all the efforts put in..

i love him for who he is too!
and i really do.. :)
since he can accept..
:)

i dont care who say that you are fat or what..
but you are perfect in my eyes.. :)

in the war zone now...

so after my cold war with baby...
i continue it with someone in the office..
Fucked up..

why there is such a f*** up person in this world..
you will nv win by shouting..
i dont understand why a**h***s are still ard in this era,,
you wan to play ah beng..
go back to your bloody gangster world..
it just show what kind of shit guy you are..

remember this..
i wun hate you coz it will waste my energy and time (even 1 sec) on you...
you are just not worth it..
but i will nv forget what you told me...
remember that..
i will nv nv help your vessel in anyway..
stay out of my fucking way!
i am dead rite serious..
OUT OF MY WAY!

even if i even see you outside..
i am going to treat you invisible..

secondly i am going to say that i no longer have anymore heart to work for this company..
it is just not worth it..
dead heart...

thirdly..
i wan to get out of here.. no more shit...

yes i am pissed and started this cold war..

well..
not blogging these few days..
coz i am at war...

dont ask me why..
cox i dont think this time round is my fault and i wun apologies for it..
i have enough of apologising things that is not cause by me or even if it is my fault to start with..
you wan to play silent with me..
by all means...
i dont care...

your blood ego is more important..
den go ahead by all means..
i WUN bow down this time round..
i give in and i realise that it might not even have work this time round...

my ah ma say that i am too strong headed...
but i am who i am..
you cannot accept it den live with it..
if not..
i dont see a point of talking much anymore..

shan is in the mode to fight...
so i wun back down and i will not give in this time round..

let the cold war began...

weekend treats!

out for a busy weekend..
work and food..
damn..
pls LEEPEISHAN..
time to go for your weight loss..
haha... :)

working out a time table.. :P