Picking up..

Where am I ytd???

Oh oh.. 

Sometime the more you try to avoid.. The more things come to you.. 

Why I say that.. 

You abandon us... So now you Wan to come back for a second chance..  

Ever thgt about the consequence when you first made that decision?? 

How many ppl u had hurt in the progress??? 

I bet you didn't.. 

So I will say that you are bloodly selfish guy... 

And to be frank.. 

I don't think you deserve a second chance... 

Sometime you just have to live with regrets.. 

Coz ppl answer for their own actions.. 

Normally you will only judge a person when he/she is going to make an Impact on your life... 

I am not trying to say what.. But you make me realise that I shd depend on myself.. 

You are not there when I need you the most.. 

So I think I can live without you now without any changes to my life...  

Dont tell me you are waiting for the right time.. 

Now let me tell you.. 

There is no right time..

Side track a bit..
Hope jas is doing well..
She is so emo ytd..
Think she is just too tired ha.. 

Listening to piece by piece.. Kelly Clarkson., 

judging world..

had a super long chat with jas..

no to say that my moody mood is gone..

but at least the heart pain lessen..

i dont feel so bad about it anymore..

haha.. 

talking about guys.

and i seem to always at the wrong side..

haha..

but she is telling me..

why you wan to worry something that is not within your means... 

so i was telling her..

ever wonder when you see all your secondary school friends are getting marry and you are not..

so she is telling me..

if she have a chance..

she dont wan to get marry.. 

i was like..

if there is a guy that can accept who i am and my family.. 

i think i will just marry..

haha.. 

i woke up from my fairy tale story not long ago and i think i just need something more practical now..

haha..

so if the guy is the right one in my perspective.. 

i dont need a lot of dating..

i just wan someone that can committed..

not asking too much rite..

judgement is not up to us..

we are in a society that  judge..

so we can only ignore..

coz mouth is others..

but if you are involved then what is there to complaint about..

haha.. 

so if you ask me how is my mood..
not that good..
but i think is better then last week..
haha..

Day 2

Letting go..

Not that simple.. 

But I promise I am trying...

I think it is just hard for me to ignore..

But the heart pain just have to go on.. 

day 2 of not facing.. 

And to be truth..

My mood did lighten up when I saw my family and friends..

They are always a bunch of jokers and laughers that cheer me up.. 

So I thanks god for having them..

Went to USS SMOU events.. 

This is the second time when I went to SMOU USS event.. 

First time is with him and my family..

This time round is with my family and friends..

So it just mean what 5 years could have done to us..

Anyway.. 

Think back and wonder what will happen to me for another 5 yrs... 

Oh.. Maybe going round world tour.. 

Haha..

A dream of mine..

Let it begin... 

Save money in progress... 

Okay.. 

Side track a bit.. 

Talking about family.. 

Who say that family don't have politics..

It is just that with family we tends to close 2 eyes on it... 😑😑😑Haha... 

Act blur always live longer...😬😬😬

Haha..

Some say I am too generous with friends and family..

But I think if you Wan them to be good to you.. 

First you have to be good to them..

And to be frank..

If you are worthy of my Friend..

I will not count cents with you.. 

Coz I know you are worth much more.. 😊😊😊

So I am also thankful for friends that stay.. 

Oh meet up with Richard they all for his farewell to Iceland..

When will I save that kind of money to go.. 

Haix.. 

Imagine wei xin being crap...

He does that all the time..

But poor thing..

Have to be on stand by.. 

 Save money to get marry la.. 

Haha.. 

Ciao.. Will blog more later..

Have to go for facial liao.. 😎😎

wounds and scars....

i think it just hurts when every turn you make..
you hit on ice cold wall...

so i think that is a door that i might want to shut it..

i promise myself to get back my mood during this weekend..
i thank for the dinner at MBS Skybar..

the view is spectacular...
and i realise that whenever i am near to the sea..

i tends to relax..
my burdens, my pains and my thgts were lost at the sea..

thanks for the night out...

finally...

i never think that i will love my weekend so much than my weekdays..

so it just telling me that i need a break from all the shits...

emotions checked..
over-stress level of mine..
but it is weekend...

i will try to clear all this emotions by this weekend..
sorry readers for the ranting..

sleepless night...

when one is not settle..

another one pop out..

and it continue on..

dont even know how long this thing is going to eat inside me before i really burst out or let go..

pray hard is not anytime soon..

what a week of ups and downs..

i felt like i have taken a roller coaster ride this week..
and it is only 3 days...

my emotions go from high up to super low and it swing back and fro..
too many things happened in just a short period of 3 days..
i am totally lost...

i think this week is a super duper tough week for me to get through..
i need someone else to turn to for advise.

someone pls guide me along..
i hate the feeling of being betrayed and lost..

the road seem dark and i don't wan to go into that road again..
i need a reset button for this week.

the emotions keep piling up and forced work is not working well for me this time..

and the fight continue on...

so it make me realize that..
not everyone appreciate what you have done for them...
sometime.. i was told.. if you nv say it out.. how they will know..

but what is the point of saying it out..
when you don't expect returns in the first place..
while others can see but you can not feel it..

it make me wonder if you are able to slp well which i am not..
i think i am being too emotional le..
but it is just me..
the cold on the outside but i am sure i am hot in the inside..
you just have to get through my surface..

sometime,, is your actions and words that hurt ppl the most..

so it stopped...

what is there left to say..

i am left abandon..
someone that i have trusted so long..
nv imagine you will stab me and break my heart..
and you got the bloody cheek to say that i lie to you and cheat your feeling..
nice one la..
come i clap for you...

seriously...
it is not my fault and i am not going to apologize..
if i were to let it go and forgive anytime soon...
i think i will not be call LEE PEI SHAN...

don't try to convince  me with all your big talk now..
cos it doesn't work anymore..
it is your mind that need some checking..

you need to reflect before you come back and continue talking to me..
mouth is yours..
i have no control...
but i am very very sure that it is my reputation that you are talking about that i can not let it go.,..
if you think that i am not a worth of friend..
tell me in the face..

sorry but i had never pester anyone before,,,
got your new friends and it become very big deal..
fine with it..

sometime it just take time to see through a person character..
and wondering why i am so stupid to see a person so late..
not to say that i have wasted my time..
but when it come to an end..
it just make me realize that it is not worth it..

all it took is 1 day to see a person true color..
moment of anger is not an excuse..
i have my pissed off moment..
but i don't put words and twist other ppl words just to win..

so i just have to be smart in future to know who to trust..

had been hurt before and it still hurt so badly (although it is the second time) until it is from someone that had been so close to you..
everything we shared and done had really mean nothing to you.
FINE..
i will prove you wrong..
but it also show that we do not have any more in common things to talk le..

i understand..
well i will wish you all the best with your best friends..
and have a great relationship with them ya...

never have i felt so wrong in my life..
and the mistake is definitely not me..

moving out...

so today is super duper busy..

packed up for so many things...

really sia..

the last move..

tomorrow will be more scary.. 

anyway..

clear up all my junks..

and ya...

threw away all the things that i don't want or don't need... 

and brought back things too...

there goes my ah ma nagging again..

haha..

count down for the last 2 days...

actually i am not a person that like to share things and emotions with ppl..

some say that i am aloof or emo...

which is just that i see no point of sharing or talking about.. 

that why i got so much trusts from my friends, family members and colleagues....

good at keeping secrets.. might not be a good thing...

but your secret is safe with me..

i don't like ppl talking behind my back too..

i will rather you talk it in front of me..

then going behind me to talk..

at least i know who are my friends and who are not.. 

i don't speak up is not coz i am scare..

but just that i nv like to create trouble..

i know how words can kill...

even that..

sometime i just think that is my character ba..

ignore is the key..

and help to keep me out of all these... 

haha.. 

still in office...

but can blog a bit before going back..

so why is everyone telling me that the market is bad..

what can i do about it..

i spend what i deem as reasonable and make me happy..

so even that i don't owe anyone an explanation..

i spend within my means and i am definitely not in debt..

mixed feeling..

i am getting out of CBD area..
moving into a light industries area..

so..
it just means that i will need more time to travel if i wan to meet my friends at CBD area le..
i will miss you all..
haha..

when you lost your loved one..
it hurts..
but time will heal..
too many ppl have say their condolence..
i will say..
jia you buddy..
you will be strong and get over it..

back to my moving..
oh god man..
felt like an old lady...
moving things here and there...

so..
pls call me old woman when you see me next time..
haha.. :P

3 more days...

Listening to Wang Lee Hom..

我們的歌.. 

so it goes...

when you don't have a choice..

you always blame why you never have a choice..

but when you are given choices..

you also blame why you are given choices to choose..

so you ever wonder why you never blame yourself for what is happening..

it is definitely not her fault or your fault... 

so whose fault is that... 

haix..

sometime family problem just need more tactful skills to handle..

well.. i am told to always think in a positive way..

so i need and can to handle it with care.. 

okay..

4 more days to go...

back to work.. :P

my goal now..
i will save money and travel..
who knows i will meet my right one while travelling..
keke.. :) 

meetups..

so have a great day with my cousins..
K-box like a queen..
haha..
and to know that..
we are going on cruise again!!!
yeah!!! haha,, :)

sometime when you start to enjoy life,,,
you know that it is a new beginning..
haha..

i wan to meet more ppl and get more friends.. :)
and went for mookata ytd with mong mong, ting and fel..
talk about my taiwan trip (ghostly experience) and the market nowadays..

the impact is too hard for all..
everyone know and experience it...
Getting a job is so hard nowadays..
i think even wan to change job also must get a job and ensuring the company can last....

anyway..
good and bad la..
at least in that case..
we will reduce in our foreigners intake..
which is good in a way..

don't need to keep fighting with those china, Philippines, Myanmar and Malaysians for jobs..
haha..
hope it will also ease our situation a bit..
even my china relatives are all going back to china..
yeah!! evil sia.. haha...

haix..
market and finance talks..
there is what peeps talk about nowadays..

i think i am getting old.. NOT!
LOL...

packed full day ahead..

well.. have a full day ahead...

so as to say...
every relationship end with  a reason...
no one is useless or worthless..
someone that do not appreciate you and your good will be another ones gain..
at the right time and the right moment..
the right one will come to you..
so you just have to wait for the right person to come..
woo hoo..
i think i just become a professor in relationship..

come come..
i can ans all questions..
haha..
talking to my poor cousin that suffer the same fate as me..
don't worry and don't give up..

the right one will be there just when you are about to give up...
but i think my right one just got lost..
nevermind..
shd give him a bit more time to find me...
haha...

officially went back to training after so long..
shortage of blackbelts...
so they asked me to get back after so long..
and we chat about the old time..
sometime it just seem so poor thing for ppl to snap out of stress...
just hope that he get well back soon...
haix...
listening to stories and catch up..
i think that is what i have been doing nowadays..

getting back after so long..
my bones seem falling apart...
but the prob is i lost all my pattern memories..
and to get it back i have to seriously do up my training at home..

ytd first time taking class..
and i think i have to brush up a lot sia..
my kicking also sucks liao....

back to the good old days....

so much about losing weight but i am going for mookata tonight... hmmm...

back to office..

sometime i just wonder why ppl think that i dont know anything.
i think i might have and known better than some ppl..
haha..

being cute and smart..
can be two way..
not just one..

but being jealousy..
sorry.. but i am not the jealous type..
haha..
so.. if you think that i am a jealous person..
you dont know me well enough..
haha..

one more week..
and i am out of CBD area..
i will miss all the food here..
haha..
how to lose weight like that..
Alamak..


well..
packing is seriously tiring..
and sometime you just wish that things will packed themselves..
haha..

back to office for god knows why..

talk to my cousin..
and we decided that we will travel round the world once we can..
haha..
so the key point is to save money..
i shd start long long time ago..
haha..

but didnt leh..
and to think back..
where have all my moneys actually gone to for the past 6 yrs that i am working..

and my conclusion is school fees, bills and dating..
haha..
typical of a singaporean gal..
No... hmmm...
i know rite..
haha..

shd have save more..
okay..
i will make my new goals work..
lose weight and save money..
go oversea.. get fat and round..
come back and work..
the cycle repeat..>.<


so i am back to talking term with my mum and ah ma again..
sometime i thgt that how childish can ppl get..
but you nv know..
the older a person get... the more childish they will be..
so.. concluded.. i have 2 kids at home wanting my attention..
but who can i get my attention from..
haha..

tgif.. nah...

so i got a text from someone that i nv ever expected ytd..

haha..

we talk.. 

but i still don't understand..

it is too obvious to not know about it..

so it will seem as an act..

haha.. 

but well..

the answer remain the same and nothing changed...

so...

don't ask me why..

coz someone else know the answer better..

but the regards are still taken to heart..

thanks for the concern.. :) 

1 more week... 

i can do it.. :)

sometime i just think that if it is yours..
not matter what.. it will still come back to you..
but if it is not yours..
no matter how hard you fight for..
it will still not be yours..

so sometime it is not about the fight..
but about the fate..

so if i am not meant to see..
i will not have see it..
but if i had seen it..
it just meant that it is fated for me to see it..

so much packing to do..

oh god why..

i got some many things to pack..
totally can not take it  (for my body)...
haix..
felt like an old woman..
haha..

it brought me back to 5 yrs back when we first moved office..
haha..
packing and more packing..

i found the song that we had listen to in Taiwan..
Dong Shan Zai Qi by Nan Que Mama..
super love lor..
haha..
so long nv listen to chinese song le..

one more week to count down..

keep safe...

sometime you just wish that two weeks can pass faster...

in need of a listening ear.. :(

stupid ppl say stupid thing..

well..

as to see..
there are stupid ppl around this world..
no doubt about it..
but just cannot understand why there are even more dumber ppl to follow..

not to say that i am smart but at least i don't just follow blindly..
everyone had their own rights to say what they want..
since it is a free country..
but when words that come out make no sense or stupid..
den you somehow will feel it that way and not to follow...
no doubt..

you wun follow or re-tweet..
but sometime there are dumber ppl that do it..
coz of their stupidity or just follow blindly..
anyway..
it is not up to me to say...

if follow blindly..
then that is counted as dumber.. :)
so  stupid and dumber what will it result to...
erm..

well.. don't ask me what i meant..
no names will be mention..
but i will not further elaborate...

well well..

went back with nana ytd..
and she was telling me that hakim miss the times where we are at turi beach..

so hana told him to go back..
and he missed him..
haha..
so go with him lor..

den he say he will miss me..
thanks hakim!! haha..
so hana was like den ask me also lor..
and he go one corner and emo..
cute rite..

sometime you just need to have cute friends to cheer you up..
haha..

okay..
as to know what these few days that i will be doing...
big project..
haha..

coz we are shifting..
packing like hell..
why boss why????

and want us to get back to work on 21 May just to shift..
seriously...

sometime if not for the money..
i will rather stay home and rot..
haha...

well money do the tricks..
haha..

meet ups are always good..
but i think i got too many..
wallet is thinning day by day and there is nothing i can do about it.. haha..

happy mother day!!!!

went out with my family for mother day celebration...

head down to sea aquarium with my ah yi and family..
well..
guess what..

my ah ma still remember the time that me and him brought her there for sight seeing..
and keep telling me that nothing much have changes..
so she does remember him,..
haha..

i thgt she don't like him but apparently she is not..
i think parent and grandparents just wan the best for us..

still i blame her for what happen..
a forced break up...

good memories are meant to be kept...
so... i choose to write down this time,...

remember that time where i went with him and my ah ma...
he is really good to my ah ma...
that is why i always say that he is a good guy..
just that we are not fated...

well good memories and that his mum and dad have been good to me too...
remember the time where i will go with him to buy mother and father present,.
so i still wish his mum to have a good mother day.. :)

and to come back to my side..
i think my ah ma have enjoy the outing and dinner today...

i got such a full dinner that my belly also coming out le..
haha..
so much talk about losing weight..
haha.. :)

went back to training ytd..
and talk with the rest..
i really think that he is not as bad as you all think he is..
we have been together for 8 yrs..
so i really know his character...

i have my own mind..
so i am not easily influence..
his character i can trust..
just that sometime he tend to blow out first (short temper) but he will listen and cool down...

so it is just time for me to wrap it up..
since we can not longer be friend by his theory..

erm..
met anneke when we go to the temple.. :)
short talk and i left..
felt like i travel around the whole singapore today..
haha..

okay.. got to get back to my ironing le... haha.. :)

monotone..

went out with yi xue and yi min ytd..
have a great dinner and fun chit chatting..

we shd have more meet ups..
haha..

well..
to be very frank..
i think that i didnt do what i did in a moment of angry..
just that i nv like ppl going round other ppl back and talk back about them,...
before you say others..

have you reflect on yourself..
a lot of ppl alway say words kills...

words can hurts a person life..
so if you think you are still rite...
den i got nothing to say..

talk to yi xue and yi min about it..
and they told me to let it go..
just ignore...

but sometime how to ignore when you are in that situation...
is hard.. really hard....

childish...

well..
i am sorry to say..

there are times you just have to grow up..
body grow but the brain didn't...
so i am not sure that is good or bad....

childish is just a word but i couldn't find a better word to describe...
and doing things behind ppl back...
you are worse then backstabber...
don't make yourself so innocent and pure...
you are not anywhere near there..

人做天看..


what come around, goes around.. 



just wait for it.. karma will get back to you.. 

drowsy..

now i understand how someone can get high on drugs..

coz you felt that you are floating and that you tend to get very very slpy..
sound like i am high...
coz of the drowsy medicines that the doc give..
i got high high up in the sky since ytd..
haha..

so i met up with friend ytd...
first time going to Rooftop Bar..
an experience that i can not forget...
haha..
the view was like when i am at the peak of the mountain in taiwan (wu ling)...
i think i will wan to go again...
can see PSA port and marina bay sand... :)

sometime i really felt like a mountain turtle...
nv really go out to see and always hide in my own shell and happiness..
until i am force out of my own shell and happiness..
i open my eyes...
haha.. :)

so well we are ranting away..

sandflies!!!!!!!

well..
when  you thgt you are the only one..
den the rest of them join you..
haha..

don't know i am evil or just wan company..
haha..
so i have been complaining about the itch and bites rite..
it turn out to be sandflies attack..
and it just make me wonder why i am the only one that got it..
since all my cousins, ah ma, uncle and auntie went to the same place as me..

i am kind of piss off coz i cant slp at all..
and all night up scratching..
so i decided to go doc ytd at my work area..

guess what i pay 70 bucks for 3 medicines...
super duper exp...
luckily can claim...

and the medicines are super drowsy..
knock out half an hour after i took the medicine ytd..
oh my god..

but it is effective la..
haha.. :)
so worth it.. :)

and my cousins told me that they have the same problem as me now..
haha..

anyway...
i think friends are still in a better zone den going into relationship...
i can not trust or say that i felt it hard to trust another one after a fail example..
unless i am sure if not i think i am doing fine with my current status..
although i will like to meet more friends.. :)
so time...

i got post holiday symptoms..

i wan to go back to Taiwan..

first,,
the weather there is super duper nice..
have been complaining so much about Singapore weather that my ah ma ask me to immigrate to taiwan..
oh she is funny...

second..
i haven finish touring around Taiwan..
8 days are not enough to be frank..
if i can..
i will go at least 2 weeks..

and lastly..
i miss my taiwan xiang chang...
they are make from black pig...
don't know you all understand a not..
super nice..
haha...

and I DON'T HAVE MONEY LE!!!!!
so poor thing rite..
i know...

my ah ma keep asking me why keep buying things for ppl instead of yourself..
and i told her..
i am just like you..
haha.. :)
have to give friends ma.. :P

come back to my shit hole and i see a lot of papers..
life is sucks..
reality hurts..

so let just say..
meet up with my second batch of TKD friends ytd and wei xin is planning for a bali getaway on Aug..

save money save money..
haha.. :)

it is my new motivation now..

and my cousin is going through the same heartbreak as i did 8 month back..
sometime it make me wonder..
is it that we are not strong enough or the family pressure is too high in our family..
i can only hope that she can get through it..
the pain is super unbearable..
but it will pass..
maybe have to let my er jiu to advise her again..

well..
i watch Capt America civil war part 3..
it is totally awesome better then the part 1 and 2..
take a step back and you might see a better road.. :)

well.. actually i also don't know how i shd feel or advise about it..
in a dilemma..

day 1 after taiwan...

so this whole week will be me going around like santa claus...
have to give out all the foods and presents..
haha...


the pineapple tart is so so good..
chiate is the brand...
all my friends keep asking me to buy until i have to bring back 2 big box...
haha..

we go to taiwan with less than 50kgs..
and came back with 100kg..
haha...
so you see who is the scary one..
haha.. :P
if we stay a bit longer..
i think my cousins will buy back the whole taiwan..
well.. the ppl there is good but the tourists there are not..
specially the china ppl..
OH MY GOD!!!
we almost got into fight with them a few times back...
so rude...

meet up with my TKD friends and den i pass them the presents..
actually i am a person that will feel happy when your friends are happy to receive presents..
so i actually don't mind the spending..
haha.. :)

den meet up with jasmine to pass her the tai yang bing and pineapple tart..
and my other friends too..
my aunt came to find me and to take back her things also...

but to be very frank..
i am broke..
my bonus are gone after my two trips in 1 month..
haha..

so it is back to facing hard truth..
have to get my ass back to work after today..
and i shall do it...
haha.. :)

back from taiwan... reality check is always the worse..

it is time to be back to reality check again..
i felt my trip is so so short..
8 days are not enough..
i think i need more days...

so my trip to taiwan..
i will say not bad..
just that i got a lot of mosquito bites to a very bad extend..
all of them got a shocked when they see my legs and hands...
and it happened on the third day..
which is why i have to stop blogging..

scratching day and night is really no joke sia...
you lost your slp and really uncomfortable..

seeing oversea doctor is no used...
in the end i still come back Singapore and see doctor..
haha..

this trip make me realise a lot of things..
sometime going away to another country might not be a bad thing..
it allows you to learn the truth and also to pick yourself up..
that is called fang xia..

as my uncle say..
why do you keep holding back to things that no longer belong to you..
it help you to see his character and well..
you have to move on..

and i ask my uncle how..
he say..
time..

so i was like..
haven i given enough time le???
do i have to give myself even more time???

so he say..
pain can not avoid..
but you don't feel so pain le rite..
and it allow you to see a person character better rite..
i was like ya..
so he say..
that is good..
coz you are moving on..

dun care what other ppl have done or say..
they get over a not is not your problem anymore..
you just have to focus on yourself..
coz it is their loss for losing you..
not the other way round...
so they were all telling me that i am the guai guai gal that will have a good fortune and marriage one..
coz i deserve it..
and he will regret it for not fighting..
and blocking you is coz he is being childish...
not your loss..

self love and self help is very important..
family can give you the support but they can not help you..
so you see...
you have to pick yourself up from where you fall down..

it is not a lesson learnt but an experience that you benefit from..
so with all his da tao li..
i kind of understand it..

and this trip is really super lot of mountain climbing and sight seeing..
so only left 1 day for us to shop...
sorry ppl that i didn't buy enough back this time round..
but i promised to do better next time..
haha..

and i am super lazy to upload photo..
so pls see it from my Facebook...
haha... :)