thanks for pissing me off to the max,, you got it...

oh well...

i guess there is really something wrong with guys..

why they like to piss the head off you..

den they apologies...

really... 

you think going down on your knees to apology is very big deal??

i dont think that is a proposal.. 

so use your brain to think why i am pissed and not just saying sorry..

maximum fire..

sorry sorry sorry..

you think you singing super junior song ar..

no emoji icon can represent my fire.. 

coz i think all underdo it..

i will just put a volcano erupted face.. 

yes..

i block and unblock.. 

and the best part when you ask me..

i blocked again..

so i didnt hide it behind and i dont need to hide it that you pissed the shit off me..

i do it in your face..

boy.. 

you really got a lot to learn about woman okay... 

if you dont know what we want..

go and think..

your brain is for you to think..

that is the only purpose your mum give you that rite..

and yes..

you can see all the harsh words coming out of my mouth..

why..

coz i am bloody pissed...

in case you dont see it or dont understand that..

oh my god..

due to my anger..

i went on shopping spree...

and i spent a bomb..

all your fault..

i am so going to claim back from you..

and i meant it..

a lesson for you to learn..

not to pissed me off..

at the wrong point...

you are going to get yourself burn..

i meant it..

housing also can be a problem.. haix..

well..
i planing to get a house with my mum..
so that at least we have a roof over our head..

erm..
okay..
coz baby already have a HDB flat with his mum..
so i will not be getting with him..
but it will come to a prob of stay where??

his flat or my own (if i bought one) ....
and i dont really wan to stay with in-laws either..
coz i guess i dont wan to act and not being able to be myself..
if there is fight who will support who???

secondly..
i guess even when i fight with my mum also i can close my own door and slp it off...
if i fight with him..
den how??
his house..
i can not be pushing him out..
if my house..
which he will not wan...

haix..
headache la..
i guess i prefer to stay on our own is better..
but it is just too complicated to me..

getting into mono tone of life..

i guess there seem to be something wrong somewhere with myself..

exercise kid...

what my uncle is telling me... 

i know la..

 but i shall not give myself excuse that i am busy... 

haha.. 

i know where it leads too... 

 

my life now is about going to work, pak tor and go home..

and everyday repeat..

i wondering why 1 month pass so fast without ppl knowing..

do i want this kind of life..

as in is it me that is really leading this  kind of life..

or maybe i dont think i am in the right mind of settling down now..

haha... 

not that i am still in a playful mode..

but i wan to understand what kind of life i really want before i settle down..

i wan a simple but not so mono tone life.. 

i need someone to talk to..

i need someone to understand what i meant..

not what the norms are doing... 

sometime i think that the way baby is mixing with my family is faster than what i have expected..

and at times it scare the shit out of me..

when your family at times took side with him instead of you...

why they didnt show him the warmth in the past... 

it make me realize that life is so not fair.. 

perhap is when my ah ma had seen how sad i have been through the last breakup that make her change her traditional mind.. 

The lost of my yi ma make all of us appreciate each other more.. 

so end this monotone post with a short note.. 

sometime is the ppl that you are around make you feel that you should be cherish! 

my weekend with TKD buddies are always the time where i felt that i can relax and enjoy...

what i am suppose to do without my friends and buddies..

i think i will just die..

haha... 

how to move on from one relationship to another..

well..
met up with TFF and a junior ytd...

coz we are talking about moving on..
so they are asking me how to do that..
as in 7 yrs..

as i have a friend in relationship for 2 yrs..
broke off and the ex already married after 7 yrs...
well she still cant let go...
but i can tell you..
she will let go very soon..

why i say that..
everyone can put on their mouth saying that they have move on....
and they will act like that they have move on..
i am not being bad..
but i think a rebound relationship might not be a bad idea..
why i say so..
coz if that is the first one..
i can tell you that it will be super hard..
and the end will be both blaming each other..
so they use their hatred for each other to move on..

for me..
i guess..
since i am the one saying to let go..
i have to.. and i got no rights to be angry..
but i thanks my ex..
coz of his fast moving on..
it pushes me to move on fast too..

and i guess..
i didnt look for a rebound..
that is one that i am proud of myself..

although we have a lot of fights and quarrels..
but at least we are still trying it out la..
so i think i am giving myself too much point..
haha...

while some others just decide to stay home and whine about it..
i prefer to go out and try about it.,..
so everyone is saying that i am super daring for trying to go out with guys that i talk for a few days..
but how you wan to open your network if you think that around your own group of friends are not possible liao...
so i just go lor..
but gals.... at least use some brain and only go to public area for meet up..
dont be so stupid as in to meet at those area that you scream your head off also no one give a shit..

not that my bunch of friends got no reliable and good de...
just not able to find one that click lor..
haha..

i still dont regret that i found my zhu bui bui..
although i dont know how long we can last..
but i guess...
compromise..

he send me to work today..
and we have a bet that it is not going to be jam..
coz it is still school holiday..
and he lost! :)
yeah..
free toast box and cheese cake breakfast.. :)

in a relationship.. compromise... not you owing someone else...

sometime i hate it when i got my own thgts and he got his own..

coz it result to world war 3.. 

and everyone is telling me to compromise... 

but what to do when you have a super protective bf???? 

talk to him..

yes..

i talked..

even told him that i need personal space..

i am not a clingy fellow..

so i dont need a lot of attention type and i need time alone too... 

but of coz he felt that i am pushing him away....

so it make me wonder..

do he do the same to his ex..

as in controlling her?? 

compromise..

and really i am trying very hard.. 

I guess i am just not someone to be control ba..

rest in peace yi ma..

yesterday is the most saddening day...
my yi ma is gone..
for a better place..
with no more suffering..

i wish her good..
but there are so many bu she de....
totally shocked with the way my ah ma had taken it...
yi ma to her..
is a person that give her guidance...
listening to her pain..
able to help ppl as such as she could..

i guess...
my ah ma just have a thousand of bu she de..
they are so close that my ah ma cried her heart out ytd..
and she almost lost balance..
i will say this is the first time i had seen her like that..
not at my grandpa funneral.. nor is it like with her brother..
i guess yi ma stand a very important and special place in her heart..

no words to doubt that..
i will miss her..
and the moment i saw her body...
all my old times memories flash back..
it seems like ytd..
when my ah ma will bring me to her house to play..
she is very generous and friendly to anyone she know..
i will say..
her heart is really really kind..
when she saw someone in need..
she will never forget to lend a helping hand..
and she nv ask for returns..
a help that she always hope ppl will pass it on..

no matter where she go..
i am always on her to-buy list..
she will sure get something back for me..
i guess she had taught me well in life..
she and my ah ma have liao bu wan de dong xi...
they can talk whole night..
even if they dont have the chance to see each other.
they will call and talk on phone for hours..

everything under the sun..
they share with each other..
of coz..
not forgetting that every birthday of hers..
my ah ma will sure be there..

they have this special bond with each other..
that i guess we will never understand...

they are even better than BFF...
even when they fight..
they still care about each other..
be there for each other regardless of religion..

i can only say Yi Ma yi lu zhou hao le...
you will forever be missed in our heart..
our chong xiao dao da de you qian yi ma...
my ah ma got some of her very close china buddies that came together with her 60 yrs ago..
and we call all of them by the area they are living in..
only you qian yi ma (rich yi ma) given name by my cousin, she is one that we never miss not going to her house on chinese new year..
and my ah ma will always be home waiting for her on the first day of new year..
a house fill with laughter and joy when the 2 sisters meet...

now i already started to miss her for everything she had brought to my life..

friends again friends again.. so how many friends do you actually have..

well...
i have a lot of friends..
and i love all my friends a lot..

i can not understand why my friends will affect you so much??/
seriously...
are they affecting you..
no..
are they influencing you..
no...
are they even talking to you...
erm.. not to all.. coz you only know some..

but still...
why i CANT meet up with friends...

and i forced the topic to stop there..
is that call possessiveness???
what are the freedom that guys are talking about??
only apply to guy... -.="'

as for how things are going on...

well.. i was asked if i felt frustrated at the sight of him..
the ans is No..
but when he try to do those tricks of his again..
i will be like super duper sian...

went out dinner with sir they all after TKD training..
and he is asking me again..
when i plan to get marry..

well i guess i am at the stage of thinking if he is actually the right one for me..
so i dont think marriage is on my plate now..
sometime i felt like.. it is just me..
i felt more comfortable to go out with my friends to joke and laugh things off..

with him..
i felt the restriction..
i dont know how to react to his certain theory..
sometime actually i only need a listening ear to all my nonsense..
not telling me what i should have done or he standing up for me..
you know like those..
you just wan ppl to listen and let you nag it off...
this point.. i guess my ex can do it better..

well..
up to now.. i have never compare him with any of my ex  in front of him before as i dont want to create any misunderstanding..
but i felt that it is very very hard for me to open up to him..
i can talk shit with my poly friends and TKD group..
but i just felt hard to open up to him..
my fault again right..
haix..

certain things i wan to help him..
but he is so stubborn that he reject my help..
so anyone can tell me what to do..
not that i wan to force him to do it my way..
but if my way can save him a lot of troubles and time..
why not????

even richard also say i behave and think like guys..
but why i dont seem to understand his stubbornness?????

well... after a chat...

met up with my TKD group..
and after much talking over..
i guess sometime thing is not how we see it to be..
coz the tone could be different..

but the anger in me is covering a lot of things that i could see but i choose not to see...
so after that talk..
i confronted baby..
maybe he and i need a face to face talk instead of a silent war..
coz there are a lot of things that we have disagreement about..
and i felt that due to it..
i can not breathe..
i need my alone time..

i cant say for others..
but i do..
and i need..
i need a break from the world and in the world of my own..
there is nothing wrong with anyone of you...
i just need my alone time to sort my thgts out..
and i guess due to that..
i always felt that i can not breath in relationship..

coz most gals need their bf 24/7...
and i dont...
i really dont..
i am just not that type of girly girly one..
personal space meant a lot to me...
so i dont know how long i can last for this time..

but i could be giving it the last chance..
coz i really very very tired liao..
if it still dont work out..
perhaps.. i might just need to move on..

so i will just take a step at a time to see how things go... :)

time make you stronger..

i guess it doesn't hurt as bad the second time.. 

it is not about the promise or what..

but the character wise.. 

i know i got my own temper and mood swing..

sometime we just cant change as much as we hope we do ba.. 

give me sometime and i hope it will just go away.. 

enough is enough..

give me sometime..
i will get over this and move on..
although it hurts..
i wun fight no more..

when i let go..
i dont want to go back or turn back..
i am sorry that my limit is reached..
i am too tired and sick of the shits you are showing me..
i wish you all the best for the next relationship..
and i dont think i am the right one for you..

so sorry...
leave me alone now..