1 more day...

i think i have just taken the max nonsense.. 

if you are not happy with me that is your prob..

not mine..

shd have listen to him last time..

felt so used and unappreciated...

something i learnt...

early morning..

i dun wan to have any negative energy on me..

so i will just keep quiet and hope my day get better..

i know myself and i am not doing anything wrong..

i dun even know that it is against law to make friends..

so if you think you own me..

sorry..

i am not yours to own... :) 

get away from me..

even sometime the Ms. nice gal will be pissed off to the max..
i am not that type of person that wun help..
if it is within my limit i will definitely help..

but even say that...
dun push me to the end..
i know what you have done there..
and it is just reaching my limit soon..

so i am just wondering....
what have i done to let you think that way of me...
i am definitely not someone that will cheapen myself...
but it does not mean that i can not make friend..

if you are really so free...
you shd really start checking on your self...

Listening to 燒肉粽 by jay chou

唉呦　我早已說過你跟他應該會分開
吵架的理由我也已經知道大概
你需要人寵愛　天天叫你Baby
這英文　好險我會念
不聽我的勸　糾纏好幾年
委屈時藉你靠肩　我不收你錢
等你想開了　不會再紅著眼
什麼叫正港的情人　我來示範一遍
*
燒肉粽　如果你想吃不需要等到端午節
燒肉粽 你要酸的甜的苦的辣的隨時給你
燒肉粽　酸甜苦辣的愛情請把它忘記
燒肉粽　我可以陪你也讓你出氣

把你的手借我　請你不用想太多
愛你不會說出口　只給你打氣加油
只喜歡你笑容　所以不用想太多
當了一天情人以後　我怕你會嫌不夠

反正現在分了　就跟你老實說吧
之前跟他套招　我真的沒有辦法
我實在不忍心　如果不騙你你會更傷心
只是我沒想到　你居然會相信

不知道你是傻還是真的單純
我想你是傻吧　傻才會跟他一起
如果莫名奇妙你們又復合了
我說的這些就請把它忘了

repeat *

把你的手借我　Oh　oh　oh
愛你不會說出口　Oh　oh　oh　yeah～
只喜歡你笑容　所以不用想太多
當了一天情人以後　我怕你會嫌不夠

is Jay chou really going back to Jolin??? 
1 more day... and i will be free.... :) 

counting down on monday...

shag life like a dog...

have to close all my pending jobs..

haix....

i can forsee late night home for these 3 days... T.T 

hopefully i can get a good holiday.. :)

Lunch..
and a short update..
what happen ytd..
haha..

went mandai..
and the crowd is really scary..
waited outside to get into the carpark..
we need at least 30 mins..
and the packing slot is also so scary..
going round and round for 1 slot..

shown on snapchat ytd..
haha...
after that..
i wan to go home to iron my clothes..
but my ah ma wan to go out..
so went to JEM...
and imagine the whole flock of us...
haha..

rot there.. and since i am meeting my friends for dinner..
i rot there the whole day..

after the shopping.. we went to haidilao for early dinner..
and fill up each other up with our own story!!!
well..
that is what all the single ladies will do ma.. haha.. :P

sat down at starbuck for a cup of coffee...
after that den i finally crawl home to iron my clothes..

tired ar... ZZZZZ
and today wake up early morning to go office to clear my works..
good thing abt it..
it will be a short weekdays for me..
i am counting down already... haha.. :P

back from office..
and i think the politics inside is getting from bad to worse...
that time is you ask me to go and talk to him..
so now..
you go behind my back and say all these shits..

two face tiger...
not even worth of my respect..

it doesn't matter if i am attached a not..
when there is nothing going on..
i am not afraid of your tongue..

in the end... we shd see who will have the last stand...

morning readers...

oh my god..
i think i posted something at the wrong blog..

erm...
morning readers...
wondering why i blog so early...

coz i have to go mandai to pray to my ah gong for qing ming (tomb sweeping)...
haha..

later have to come back and packed my bag...
hehe... :)
faster faster come..
i wan to go oversea to run away from all the stress...

and my ah ma is asking why i dun have bf...
if i wan i will.. if i dun wan..
i will not have..
haha... it just so simple (like uncle tan say)
so pls ah ma..
stop asking..

okay..
have to ciao...
need to help ah ma to prepare for the praying stuff...

shd update later if i can...

listening to try everything by shakira..

I messed up tonight
I lost another fight
I still mess up but I'll just start again
I keep falling down
I keep on hitting the ground
I always get up now to see what's next
Birds don't just fly
They fall down and get up
Nobody learns without getting it won

I won’t give up, no I won’t give in
Till I reach the end
And then I’ll start again
Though I’m on the lead
I wanna try everything
I wanna try even though I could fail
I won’t give up, no I won’t give in
Till I reach the end
And then I’ll start again
No I won't leave
I wanna try everything
I wanna try even though I could fail

Oh oh oh oh
Try everything
Oh oh oh oh
Try everything
Oh oh oh oh
Try everything
Oh oh oh oh

Look how far you've come
You filled your heart with love
Baby you've done enough that cut your breath
Don't beat yourself up
Don't need to run so fast
Sometimes we come last but we did our best

I won’t give up, no I won’t give in
Till I reach the end
And then I’ll start again
Though I’m on the lead
I wanna try everything
I wanna try even though I could fail
I won’t give up, no I won’t give in
Till I reach the end
And then I’ll start again
No I won't leave
I wanna try everything
I wanna try even though I could fail

I'll keep on making those new mistakes
I'll keep on making them every day
Those new mistakes

Oh oh oh oh
Try everything
Oh oh oh oh
Try everything
Oh oh oh oh
Try everything
Oh oh oh oh

Try everything...

hard truth....

have a small chat with Mong mong ytd....
understood something and learn something.. except for the mahjong la..

well... in every relationship we put in the effort..
sometime you are forced to let go..
so you felt that you shd not have let go.. but your brain overwrite..
and when you let go... you have to overcome your own guilty...

well we talk about exs..
so me and her both grow up with grandma..
so you can understand how important grandma is in our life..
and also because of grandma.. i treasure family ties more..
haha..

nv told anyone anything about it before..
all of your opinions on me might change on me after this post..

if you ask me: ' do you still love him?'
of coz i do..
and to be very frank with my life too...
i always try to protect the ppl that i love...
well.. i dun show it out well... so my answer will always be a smile...
haha..

dont know why i decided to write it all out today..
maybe i still couldnt find someone that i can talk to????
and also to shut ppl up on their mouth..
haha...

 so my story goes..
but just 1 month before my 6 yrs of anniversary with him...
my ah ma brought me to see a shifu (one that she trusted a lot)
coz he have been helping her for years (same village somemore)..

so i was kind of force to go..
but i didnt told anyone abt it and not suppose to tell anyone..

the shifu told me that i have to break up with the current guy that i am going with..
reason: coz we are not compatible..
he went on saying that we are of the same chinese horoscope..
so my ah ma turn to me and went..
"see i told you about the lot already...
and you dun wan to listen"..

i kept my cool..
coz i know that your life belong to your own hand and you path your own destiny..
den the shifu brought me to a corner without my ah ma..

he told me..
your ah ma will not have long to go..
cox her time is near (in the next 2 to 3 years)..
i broke down..
i totally broke down..

the reason why i broke down...
coz he was the same person that told my ah ma that my ah gong is leaving in just a few month after the hospital before he passed away...
i know that coz i followed my ah ma to see him before..
and he told me that we are not compatible back then...
and my ah gong did passed away that year after he is back from hospital..

he told me not to tell anyone as i can not let anyone know..
and i was told that he will be able to find someone better then me..
coz i am not the right one for him too...

i dun know how to tell anyone or with anyone to turn to...
there are times when i turn to him and want to tell him but i cant..
can anyone understand my pain..

so i continue on for my 6 yrs anniversary with him...

after that my ah ma do it again..
she got the whole family to stand on her side about me breaking up..
the pressure that i am getting is killing me..

on his side..
he is pushing me to get a house and to get married...
i dont know what to do..
so i sat down and tell myself..
think peishan..
is it worth the trade off of your happiness for ah ma??

so i am thinking..
if it is only left with a few years..
why do i have to do that to make her felt that "i the most sayang grandchildren of hers" wan to push her away...

but it will not be fair to him either..
i don't have the right to force him to wait for me for another 2 to 3 yrs..
and if he could get a better one instead of me..
why i have to hold him back..

i cried myself to slp every night for 2 weeks..

and  i told myself..
pei shan you are a very strong gal..
i can survive through these..

and well.. i made that decision of breaking up..
i cried myself to slp every night for 3 months..
and i told myself..
after all the pain..
i have to get up and be stronger...
and the worse of all..
i have no one to blame..
and have to act strong in front of others..

like what he had said move on and continue with my life.. :)

so mong mong asked me a question..
how strong is your love for him if it is on going for 6yrs..
i choose not to answer her..
coz i know my heart but my brain overwrite..
do i still in contact with him..
Erm nope coz he doesn't want to communicate...
i respect that..

didnt told her the part that i have wrote down coz i dun know how to say..
all will felt that i am ridiculous ..

yup..
it is my middle name now..
i felt a heavy stone had dropped after writing..

so now my ah ma ask me..
where you going.. paktor ar..
my reply will always be..
no one want me..

and becoz of this matter i lost my 12 yrs of friendships...
have been feeling very emo this 2 days..
hope you can understand..
i have been feeling bad about suddenly cutting him off..
i can not tell myself to forgive the words that he have used..
but i dont hate him...

haha..
super long post this time round...
but i still feel very slpy..
ZZZZ...
okay.. have to get back to work..

super shag and poor now...

finally reach home after my 8 hrs of mahjong session...
guess what..

i lost totally of 120 bucks today in mahjong..
oh my god..
i really guess you will get back when you start to play more...

but too painful for my wallet le...
haha...
i still dun feel the mahjong itchy yet..

i think i am just not that type of person that will glue to one game one..
haha...

and after the 3 round..
i think i am totally shag...
not focusing on the game anymore...

i just anyhow play and i end up paying more..

i think i will update more tomorrow as my eyes are really closing and i am super duper tired....
nv know that mahjong can be so tired...
how some ppl manage to play through out the night???

Counting Down..

i am exactly 1 week to get out of singapore...

too much stress these few days..
as can see...
i lost one of my close friend in just 1 day after 12 years of friendships...
at the moment of anger..
but i dun think i make a wrong decision..

if you are not meant to be there for me..
you wun be..
so i just have to continue with my life..

anyway...
yea..
we are going out today for a mini celebration of my 5 year in Apex!!! :)

oh.. here we come!! :)

yup yup..
back from satay by the bay..
yummy..
order a lot of food..
with satay, wholly crab, chili crab, sambal stingray, prawn, chicken wing, bbq prawn..
didnt eat much due to no one peel prawn for me..
haix..
i am just plain lazy or what..
or maybe i am just to use to having ppl peel prawn for me.. haha.. :)
actually is my 6 years in apex next month..
so decided to celebrate it with my lovely colleagues..

thanks boss for the five year award..
haha...
so yup..

wondering if i am with him, will i still treat them a not..
haha..
i think i will go travelling with him instead.. haha...
but well.. i decided to celebrate it with all my lovely colleagues instead.. :)

remembering the first time i went to garden by the bay with him, hana and faezah..
haha..
time flew..
it have been 3 yrs since i first step into Satay by the bay..
the night view is super!!!

can see from my snapchat..
haha...
lazy to upload to facebook.. :P

well tomorrow will be a long day ahead..
so night night readers.. :)

well.. bring it on...

saw his ig..

and guess what...

the second mistake that i had in 1 day..

i nv understand why it is my fault.. 

ever think why you didnt go to uni at that time..

is it purely just me or your family prob too...

well..i will say both factors affect...

just that you choose to use me as an excuse..

okay..

and let bring it back..

i am the only person at fault???

NO! 

you didnt do what you shd have done.. 

so when you say it is a mistake.. 

both parties have faults.. 

and i am not going to take anymore blames...

i will not go on my life with guilty anymore..

it is NOT just my fault...

why i have to answer to all these..

what make you all think that he is really great..

everyone has their flaws..

just if you choose to accept it a not..

well.. 

felt better after i have let it out..

as you can see..

i got my worst msg ytd for being the greatest mistake after a long chat of trying to make someone understand....

and i got my second blow from his ig..

so i will just say that it is super low of them...

i am tired of all this "YOUR FAULT" kind of stuffs..

just my fault or just to act as an excuses or cover up...

sorry readers.. 

but i just have to say.. go and think abt it..

yesterday suppose to be a good day to celebrate for my colleague coz she is pregnant..

but i got all these shits that messed up my mood..

today i blurt it out in my blog coz i think my fire is still there..

but i will not bring it over now as to affect my mood anymore..

Long weekend is coming.. 

but i got so much work going on...

haix...

mistake...

Stop telling me that it is my mistake..

MY BIGGEST MISTAKE..

TO KNOW SOMEONE THAT I SHOULD NV HAVE..

AND MY BEST LESSON LEARNT.. 

I HAVE SEEN THE TRUE COLOR WITH TIME.. 

so this is the explanation..
sometime you think that you are very smart..
actually you are not..

some ppl work hard the whole life and got nothing..
but some ppl just with a click of hand and got everything in the world..

to be frank..
that is pure lucky by others..
but you may not know the hard work involved (hidden) too....

so sometime..
ppl smart is enough liao..
dun act smart..
if you are really so smart..
you shd not even be here..

i am an emotional type of person..
so my family always tell me..
let a way out for ppl to walk..
dun burn all bridges...
same goes with words...
dun put all your words to the meanest....
you nv know the day where you need others help...

but that does not mean that i don't know what is going on..
i just turn 1 eye close..

you maybe smart but are you sure of a good life ahead..
i will just let karma do their job..

sorry readers..
i am damn pissed off by some ppl who think that they are really smart...
you are not even fit to be call my bro..

to think that we have known each others for so many years...
not worth of my time..

sorry to say that..
but when i need your help..
you are always not there..
when you need my help..
i nv once rejected you...

so who is the bad one now..
me or you...

MY MISTAKE!!
YA.. my mistake is i shd nv know you at all...

gone is the fun and bubbly shan..

listening to bad blood by taylor swift..

'Cause baby now we got bad blood
You know it used to be mad love
So take a look at what you've done
'Cause baby now we got bad blood

(Hey) now we got problems
And I don't think we can solve them
You made a really deep cut
And baby now we got bad blood

(Hey) did you have to do this
I was thinking that you could be trusted
Did you have to ruin what was shining now it's all rusted
Did you have to hit me where I'm weak baby I couldn't breathe
I rubbed it in so deep
Salt in the wound like you're laughing right at me
Oh, it's so sad to think about the good times
You and I

'Cause baby now we got bad blood
You know it used to be mad love
So take a look at what you've done
'Cause baby now we got bad blood

yea.. we have bad blood now..
although it is the end of our friendship...
i just hope that you will still check your mouth before you say something...

monday zombie mood...

my mood didnt really improve since ytd night..

so i will just  keep my peace and work...

sometime it is just so hard to talk to some ppl...

back from work and taken my dinner..
seeing my uncle lending me the luggage for my trip..
super happy and counting down..

next week!!! yeah!!!

so you see..
i need a lot of alone time...
hope i can clear my mind when i am out..

not to say that i will be out of connection since i will sure buy some data card..
but i will not be so online as i am now la..

it seems to be one of the small things that is bring me out of my suffering and pain now..
run far far away...

planing for something on this holliday weekend.... 

shag life.. shan has a shag life..

back!! :)

wondering what i have done ytd...
erm.. well...

shock the death out of you...
haha..
i went back to office until 8 plus pm..
and i reach office at 9..

so it is a 12 to 12 hours of work..
made plan for afternoon..
but have to cancel it due to work..

went to NEX to see my chinese TCM doctor again..
hope i can stop going there...
it is so far.. OMG!!!

reach home.. 10pm!!!
and i was eating my dinner cum supper..
or i shd say supper instead...

and my stomach suffer again..
haix...

took my medicine and go to slp...
knock out after a day with the computer in office..

have to go back to see the doctor again...
as he wan to adjust my body to cure..
not just temporary stop the prob..
but i am so lazy to go back...
haha...

1 week of medicine cost hundred plus..
dun noe how long i can last..
pay why you nv come in... :(

anyway..
look on a bright side...
going to makan on thursday night yeah..

and fri is holiday..
but haven plan.. but i am so going to do something..


as for today...
wake up to the funeral music below my house..
and went out to clementi wood for a run...

saw the dog park..
OMG.. there are so many dogs in there..
if baby is here..
he will sure love it..
but they are actually very big dog..
so dun noe how he will feel about it..
haha..

xiao Q confirm can not go in one..
if not he will start barking at every individual one of it..
dun noe to say he is shy or terror..
haha..

and now back home to take a bath before heading out for my allegiant..
will update abt the movie later..

haha.. have to ciao.. :)

back from movie..
actually not so bad de..
but if compare..
i still like the first one..
and four is so handsome.. :)
haha...

lunch date at lao hao tang... .
so back to the old place..
haix..

chit chat a bit with jas and went ring hunting with her..
haix..
getting hitch is also got phobia...
me want to get hitch also no chance..
haix..
we were then talking abt go to her wedding or jay chou concert..
and i so called passed the test..
haha..

head back home after i went out to west coast park..
went to cool down and think abt my life...
so young start to think abt life like some old aunties...


and my ah ma talk abt bring a bf to let her see first..
she thgt that i keep going out so i got someone in mind..
but you think like go market and buy fishes..
all out for you to choose ar..
and i reply NO!
she got mad at me..
saying fine..
in future you better dun bring back anyone..
treat that i am no longer there for you..
kind of pissed of by her words..

so in future all my guy friends must draw lot before i can meet them la..
sometime i just wonder she is so superstitious to the extreme..
everything depend on a lot..
next time i go out also must draw lot if i can go out a not la..

pissed mood..


listening to an jing..

只剩下鋼琴陪我彈了一天
睡著的大提琴　安靜的舊舊的
我想你已表現的非常明白
我懂我也知道　你沒有捨不得
你說你也會難過我不相信
牽著你陪著我　也只是曾經
希望他是真的比我還要愛你
我才會逼自己離開
你要我說多難堪　我根本不想分開
為什麼還要我用微笑來帶過
我沒有這種天份　包容你也接受他
不用擔心的太多　我會一直好好過
你已經遠遠離開　我也會慢慢走開
為什麼我連分開都遷就著你
我真的沒有天份　安靜的沒這麼快
我會學著放棄你　是因為我太愛你

Jay chou song again...
haha...

BACK TO WORK.

sat work..

we are shifting..

haha..

but that is in another 2 month time..

i got too many things that it is going to be terrible if i LAST MIN again..

haha..

beside.. i just realise that i have not touched my invoice\s yet and the closing is on monday...

oh god why.. 

need to see doctor again later for my body..

haix..

when will you leave me.. 

caught in between..

i dun noe  why..
but this few months..
i face a lot of ppl having relationship problem including myself.

what advise can i give since i myself is in this kind of state..
so sometime we just have to find someone to talk it out maybe,,,

Thinking cap on..

god must be crazy...

haha..
i dun noe is i pray too hard or what..

i saw baby on his instagram!!!!! :)
i missed him so much..
oh my god...

chinese have a saying:
no fish, prawn also can la..
meaning.. if you dun have something.. the substitute also can la...
so even when i can not hug him..
see him also good!!!!!! :)

at least can see that he is doing well and fit...
haha...

cheer up a slightly bit,, :)

erm...
ytd went out for dinner at raffle city...
the food is damn expensive...
i bought 1 hockkien prawn noodle for 5.50..
which i can easily buy for 3.50 at my house there..
it used to be his favorite so kind of kanna influence..
haha..

went out with my two ciao zah bors!!! haha..
chit chat a bit..
den go home..

and i overslept today..
woke up only at 7am!!!!!
damn late..
ytd talk to Jasmine abt my life..
in the end..
both of us emo..
sometime.. we just have to look back to see if we are making the right decision a not..

so now have to go back to work le.
updated when i free later..

back to a better mood..

ytd was playing with Xiao Q..

and i realized that i missed Baby a lot!!!!! 

i missed him running toward me.. T.T 

and we race up the stairs... 

me buying food and treats for him... 

i missed hugging the fluffy him..

hope he is doing great and missed me like i missed him too..

haix..

well back to normal today..

sorry readers.. 

i tends to get very emotional on the 15 of every month..

just like my 'auntie' come like that..

haha.. 

so tends to whine a lot on this day..

but i will force myself to be back to normal after that..

so bear a bit with me readers...

haha... 

went off earlier to collect my robe ytd..

got con into buy photo package...

i was thinking back of the past..

but it had become a promise that can not be carry out.

so life goes on..

erm..

went back after some shopping at vivo and PS..

thgt wan to go running de..

but i think my lazy bone is eating me..

so rot at home again..

haha.. 

is my post getting more and more emotional...

when  i keep telling myself not to whine about it..
but who can understand me???

shd i do something that i will regret later???
even when i know that i will regret later...

i felt like a fool..
what am i looking for..
what am i thinking about..
what do i really want..

i wan to disappear at this moment for today..
i wish i am not at this point of suffering..
i wan to move out of my shell...

i was told not to whine abt it..
but how to avoid it???
the date itself bring me pain..


i tends to get emotional when it is nearing the date..
so i think i shd MIA for now..

took time off to go and collect the my graduting robe...
a long walk by myself..
thinking about a promise..

a promise where we agree to take graduating photo together...
and he giving me a banquet of flower for my graduation and i can proudly tell him that i have graduated and he is next..

well all these will not happen anymore..
so i think that is why i am so ego today and additional to the date today..
i felt total sadness...

i just need my slp and rest to forget all about it..
tomorrow will be a better day..
i can do it..

after all that have been said..

i think i felt better after a night sleep..
haha..
so conclusion..
i need my slept.. :P

too much dramas for the last few days already..
after all i have said..
i realise that i am being very selfish and too much...
but i dun care..

that is no longer my concern to care..

stop to think abt it..
realise it is my bad..
so i will take back my nonsense...
sometime i just think that when you have an emotion going too strong..
it will just cover and blind your eyes and mind..

which result to you doing stupid things..
so it will just be my own problem..

big step...

wondering why i am blogging..

well i went back to a place that have the most memories today..
have not step foot in since the day i have decided to leave..
i am just not brave enough until today...

i decided that i can not avoid that place forever..
so.. yup.. i went back to jurong point..
at that moment...
all the  flashed back...

almost broke down..
but i have to force myself to face it..
i know that i can not avoid it anymore..
i have to move on..

i shd not have anymore hold back..
but i think the most i can tahan is 1 hrs before i crawl back home..
it is still too much for me..
haix...
am i too useless..

nope i dun think i can go back there in any near future..
maybe i still need time..
too much thinking..
i think that is something in me that i can not change..
but i think i still can control a bit..

focus PEI SHAN.. you can do it de..
i just hope my ah ma to have good health..
so that all my sacrifice will worth it..
 

SING ALONG..

must be wondering why my post title is like that rite..

well as to explain..
i felt that i just need some spaces to do my own things..
why..

saw a post on facebook...

after a breakup, the loyal one stays single and deal with the damages until healed.
the other one is already in another relationship.

so wondering why my friend is sending it to me until i realize what happen..
whatever happen already happen..
so if it is a change of heart..
no longer in any position to comment..
 beside whatever i do is no longer anybody business..
and no matter what the other ppl have done also no longer my business,,

meet up with a  few friends that are currently single..
not to say what..
but you see...
if i talk to those that have not been in relationship..
they dun understand..
if i talk to those in relationship..
they will not put themselves in our shoes..
so the best is to talk to ppl that are in the same situation as you...
coz they can understand what you are feeling and to give better advise to make yourself feel better.. :)

so as to sing along..
that is to mean that you go along with flow.. :)


#翻着我们的照片 想念若隐若现
去年的冬天 我们笑得很甜
看着妳哭泣的脸, 对着我说再见
来不及听见　妳已走得很远
也许妳已经放弃我　也许已经很难回头
我知道是自己错过　请再给我一个理由說妳不爱我

就算是我不懂　能不能原谅我
请不要把分手当作妳的请求
我知道坚持要走 是妳受伤的借口
请妳回头　我会陪妳一直走到最后

就算没有结果　我也能够承受
我知道妳的痛　是我给的承诺
妳说给过我纵容　沉默是因为包容
如果要走　请妳记得我

如果难过　请妳忘了我

借口 Jay Chou

zombie mood.. keep clear...

super tired..

with work ending so late ytd...

haix..

sometime it will just make you wonder..

why is it only me???? 

workaholic and can not finish..

got difference..

yes.. 

a lot..

it come to a point where i think i can not really take good care of my babies now..

haha.. 

ytd  den reach home and remember to change water.. :P 

i can not finish.. :(

and my body can not take it..

well.. 

the only good thing about it is that at least i got to forget my problem when i work..

although ytd was really a not so good day...

haha.. 

as for today..

i hope it will be better..

coz i am going out ma..

haha.. :)

why is it so hard to find someone to talk to nowadays..

searching in progress.. haha.. :) 

damn it!!!

Blood boiling!!!! 

WHY ARE YOU LIKE THAT???? 

I WAS NOT EVEN GIVEN A CHANCE TO EXPLAIN MYSELF!!! 

i can never understand why old ppl like to make other ppl to listen to them without listening to an explanation... 

worse of all..

kanna hang up call...

i super duper hate it..

what the hell is wrong with my Wednesday morning... 

sorry readers to vent it here .. 

since i got no one to talk it out too..

listening to this song..

it make me wonder..

why?? 

蝴蝶眨几次眼睛 才学会飞行
夜空洒满了星星 但几颗会落地
我飞行 但你坠落之际
很靠近 还听见呼吸
对不起 我却没捉紧你

你不知道我为什麽离开你
我坚持不能说放任你哭泣
你的泪滴像 倾盆大雨 碎了满地
在心里清晰
你不知道我为什麽狠下心
盘旋在你看不见的高空里
多的是 你不知道的事

王力宏 (Wang Lee Hom) - 你不知道

okay..
back to work..
shall updated later..
and i forget to change water for my babies..
getting lazy liao.. XP

internal struggle...

sometime things are not just wat you see with your bare eyes..
there are many many things that can not be express with words...

i just want to find someone that i could share all my things with like i used to have..
sometime i just need someone that understand me and able to share all my problems...

a person with too many burdens..
it will be like a candle burning at two ends..


no no.. i have to be strong..
that is it..

jia you Pei Shan

back from my short weekend trip.. :)

Out of Singapore for a weekend as not to see any more nonsense..

haha.. 

sick of this kind of life... 

want to change but the market is so bad... T.T 

so run away to release some stress.. 

haha.. :) 

went to kukup, it is a small fishing village in Malaysia.. 

that is not bad..

got a shocking new that up to now i can not accept it.. 

but i think it will be hard for me to share it with anyone..

so silent is the best..

i will just do my best and hope that the day don't come.. 

emotions shan.. emotion... 

everyone wish for the best for me..

but do they really know what i want? 

how i feel abt it.. 

you guys dun understand me.. haha.. 

so let just forget it for now kay.. :) 

the first night didnt even get any slp.. 

coz we are trying to knock some sense to my cousin..

well we all have a love and hate relationship..

why..

coz it allow us to stay close..

haha.. 

the ah ma house grew up together gang.. :P

and i have learned basic mahjong!!! wahahahaha.. 

next time we can play liao.. :) 

although we play no money one la..

haha.. :) 

and as for myself.. 

i am still trying to find out what i actually want.. 

it is always a give and a take.. 

so i have give up on my relationship and take up on my family support..

am i really stupid???

i really don't know.. 

i will clear up my head to move on.. 

all of them are telling me.. 

i will get a better one soon.. 

so how soon is soon???
although i keep telling myself that i have to be ignore..
but when you keep seeing things..
it just make your blood boil more..
so the moral of this story..
turn both eyes close..
act like you see no evil..
or speak no evil..

silent.. 

long waited weekend!!!

finally it is Friday!!

yea!! going to Malaysia tonight.. :) 

so ya.. 

dun miss me too much readers.. 

haha.. :) 

my poor babies are going to suffer coz i am not packing them up for holiday...

so they will have to go through survive course..:P

keke.. :P 

i see what i can do, maybe buy data card..

if not i will just MIA for this weekend...

haha... :P 

back to work..

will see if i can update later.. :) 

deng deng deng... i am back..

erm..
so these few days emotional again..
haha..
i guess it really have something to do when i go into facebook, twitter and ig..
so ignore me for that part readers..
haha... :)

ytd..
was suppose to go garden by the bay for the surprise..
instead we went macpherson by the bay for sheena 30 birthday..
 coz my handsome boy is down with fever..
poor boy.. fever for 1 week sia..
really hope he get well soon..

so our plan changed..
and i have to get a back up plan..
actually i thgt wan to wait for the rest..
but if she have to spend the actual date alone so poor thing sia..
so decided to go her house to surprise her as back up plan..
too much drama..
will updated the detail story later.. :)

so it is a successful one.. :)
3 cheers to me!! :)

looking forward to weekend.. :)
will meet up with my darling later to see how she is doing.. :)

so back to work.. :P

looking forward to it...

ohh ohh!!!!
counting down to tomorrow..

planning for Sheena birthday celebration!!!
shhhh!!!! it is a surprise party for Sheena 30th birthday..
so fast.. she is stepping into the 3 head liao..
haha...

have a surprise for her..
she doesn't know abt it..
but of coz we are telling her that we are not celebrating for her la..
haha.. :P

she so smart sure will know something..
but we are not talking..
haha.. if wan to know more can see my snapchat and ig for update tomorrow..

as for ytd..
i wish today is a better day than yesterday..
was watching my hk drama..
and i learn something new..

as long as nothing is fixed..
you have to fight for it..
coz if you really like something than you have to fight for it..
as to prove that you are worthy of it..
coz it will be too late to regret..
no one is going to look down on you for that.. :)

so i am going to fight for what is mine! :)
i deserve better than what i am getting now.. :)

ytd night.. my heart pain came back again..
oh god why...
haix...
can't you just go away and never come back..  :(

listening to Jay Chou song - 怎麼了

上車了 收拾心情背上行李 我走了
一再重覆聽你喜歡 聽的歌
甜蜜回憶太多心亂了
真的 結束了
舍不得 你唱的生日快樂歌
還記得
你的溫柔方式終於 我懂了
話題聊到這裡你笑了
卻也 太遲了
我用咖啡拉花拉出白色的線
煮一杯眷戀
你側臉在咖啡表面
形成了思念 形成懷念
你長發披肩 我漸漸的
勾畫出 你嘴角弧線
所有的從前 我慢慢的
喝掉有 你在的畫面
手中的寂寞續杯 苦了誰
清醒了當初離開你的感覺
在不是冬天季節 冷了離別
我還想聽你 叫我寶貝
怕你身邊 多了個誰
失眠的夜 獨自面對
花少了蝶 樹枯了葉
還想聽你 叫我寶貝
痛快心碎 或許干脆
兩人世界 漫天的風雪
我愛過 的誰
怎麼了（你說呢）
為何溝通最后總是
我哭了（不說了）
承認犯錯又能如何
你選擇（我認了）
是不是我們都太自我 （自我）
藉口 要自由
沉默了（離開了）
明明彼此付出比誰
都要多（我才多）
卻相愛的比誰都要
不成熟（都怪我）
是不是等傷口都愈合（愈合）
才能 再擁有
我用咖啡拉花拉出白色的線
煮一杯眷戀
你側臉在咖啡表面
形成了思念 形成懷念
你長發披肩 我漸漸的 勾畫出
你嘴角弧線
所有的從前 我慢慢的
喝掉有 你在的畫面
手中的寂寞續杯 苦了誰
清醒了當初離開你的感覺
在不是冬天季節 冷了離別
我還想聽你 叫我寶貝
怕你身邊 多了個誰
失眠的夜 獨自面對
花少了蝶 樹枯了葉
還想聽你 叫我寶貝
痛快心碎 或許干脆
兩人世界 漫天的風雪
我愛過 的誰
我還想聽你 叫我寶貝
怕你身邊 多了個誰
失眠的夜 獨自面對
花少了蝶 樹枯了葉
還想聽你 叫我寶貝
痛快心碎 或許干脆
兩人世界 漫天的風雪
我愛過 的誰

周杰倫 – 怎麼了 歌詞 Pinyin