back to work after a holiday... that is called a killing spree...

so when i went to hong kong for a holiday as to relax with my friends and baby..
i dont wan to come back..
coz i know the amount of work waiting for me in the office..
can someone just cover it over me..
seriously..
haix..

well..
i think i went to big buddha for health and world peace..
but i think i should also mentioned about less work and more money..
haha...
at least i can relax a bit lor..

i missed the days when i can release all my stress...
i guess i will have to go back to running...

and i have to get my ass back to work...
well..
do what you want and all you want..
i have no comments..
coz i just wan my job done and move on...

back from Hong kong.. let me tell you about my trip..

so i went Hong Kong for 6 days..
a place that i wan to go since that time..

well if you ask me..
i will not say that it is not a place that is totally no worth to go..
but i just guess that it is super exp...

it is more exp than Singapore..
that i am very sure of..

and i guess it is just fulfilling one of my dream to go Disney land..
haha..

well if i am lucky..
i could have go to japan for once..
but i am super broke now..
so i will just guai guai stay in Singapore kay..
until my next trip...
haha.. :)

as for the updates..
i got sick on the last two days...
so it turn out to be a hotel staying...
haix..
why sick on the last two days!

 dont ask me why..
coz i am asking myself why too...
haha..

well..
as for the trip...
not a bad..
coz we took local public transport..
haha...
ya...

we took the small bus and first time speaking Cantonese to the uncle..
haha..
i think i confused the bus uncle.. :P

well.. it is a good experience for us.. :)
and baby bought me a tigger..
haha... :)
although i say i dont want..
but the heart can not control la..
haha..

for somemore update...
i guess i will posted more on my insta ba..
too lazy to list down all the places and things we have done..

yeah.. 2 and half day more to go..

ya..
going for my hong kong trip...
i dont know..
just felt that the more i intro him to my friends..
the more scare i am..

maybe due to my nonsense mind la..
well.. my weekend is not a good one...

coz ytd i went to see my grand aunt..
the sadness overwhelm me..
coz she is literally  the skin to bone..
and it just happen over a short span of 2 weeks..
she is the one that had been seeing me grow up..
coz my ah ma always bring me to her house..

so she is not sick..but just cant stomach any food down..
i will say just like my ah gong..
in liquid diet..

and i really hope that she will at least stay with us for a few more years..
at least to see her youngest grandson get marry...

not sure why..
but sadness overwhelm me..
and to say..
i was moody since ytd..
i guess i can not see ppl that are in that state...
coz last time i see my ah gong also i got pissed off..
coz he always make a lot of noise.
but when he is gone..
i realise what a stupid person i am..
coz i wun see him again..

and i will not make that same mistake again ba..

ytd...
i was PMSing..
coz my headache just wun go away..
and it really pissed the shit of me..

went for training..
and richard sent us down...
thanks richard..
this is what are friends for ma...

so good to have a uber friend!
yeah.. :)
and i realise many taxi uncles hate them..
coz in richard car down the road to food court...
 dont know kanna horned how many times liao..
haha..

and head down to Circuit road for dinner..
blowing my temper off..
of coz not at my chief they all la.
at baby la..
he text me..
den i called back..
in the end..
i kanna shit..
what the hell la..

so he came down to send me back and i just head straight to bed..
ignoring if he is home a not..
i am not being evil...
i am being bloody pissed off...

if you are not happy with me..
the door is open..
and you can always go..
really....

like that tell me how to tahan for my hong kong trip..
i dont know..
and i dont want to know..

on the bright side..
i am getting out of one shit holes..
but it look like i am jumping into another one..
what the....

time to pack my bag too..
nothing is done and packed at all..
good job pei shan..

have to get back to my work...
hope i can have a good holiday and avoid with all the shits..

stop with your "my friends" are more important than me..

you can continue with your thinking that why..
cox i am super and duper tired of explaining...
i feel that you like to get into the argument with repeated story...
if you nv learn to let go..
i am not sure how you are going to move on..

and to be very frank..
i am very very tired of staying on the same ground and fight anymore..
my last argument will be ytd night and i will not bring out this matter anymore..
even if you wan to continue you can..
  but i will ignore you...
and secondly..
maybe i am not the right person for you...
so i guess i might have to move on instead of staying on the same ground..

trust me..
i can forgive a person..
but there is also limited to my patience.
dont take it for granted ya...

i prefer to move on den keep staying on the same ground and argue over the same topic over and over again..

you really have to grow up faster then my patience...

well..
ytd night...
my cousin rush to hospital coz he is not feeling well..
there is a very strong virus going round..
so i guess you all have to be careful with it..
stay health and drink more water.. :)

oh so it is wednesday today..

drama in the office..
and i have to clear the shits again..

sometime it make me wonder..
coz i am too kind that everyone can climb onto my head and shit..
i wan to fight back..
but if i fight back..
it is going to break the harmony..

so i wan to finish my things before fri...
as such i dont wan friday to come so fast..
but i wan my weekend to come faster as i need a break from all these dramas...
haix..
how contradict i am...

disappointed morning..

so it break my heart that i didnt get into the master courses that i want..
and i guess...
i will just have to move on with my next plan le..

good in a way as i got a back up plan to fall on..
and i dont have to be in the same class as my boss..
that is the most thank god point..
haha

i know what i wan to do and i have to move towards it.. :)
be it with or without him...
let me go and heal my disappointing heart...

mother post..

morning all readers..
haha..

well ytd is mother day..
i wish all mummies to have enjoy their mother day... :)
although it is a bit late la..

and we have a simple celebration with dinner.. :)
all that matter is my ah ma to be happy..
well..
baby had his own celebration with his mum too...

i nv understand why..
when i meet him and when i talk to him..
it is like two totally different person..
i dont know which is the true him le..

when meet up..
it is like angel..
but when we talk on phone..
his devil all come out..

yup yup..
rite guess that i got an argument ytd..
so i dont wan to talk about it le..
since our fights are more or less the same..
and i am just tired..

his insecurity is making me turn off..
and it seem to be the case of me pushing him away due to his stupid attitude...

erm..
suppose to be a happy post de leh..
but my emo mood took over for a moment..
haha..

okay back to happy mood...
got ah ma a new elderly phone..
haha

as for my mum..
i didnt get her mother day present..
but i am sure getting a bigger present for her birthday! :)

erm.. let me think about it..
what shd i get..

as for mdm..
i rush off too early that day after training for dinner liao..
and i forget to bring the present down for mdm too..
haix..
see how kuku i can be..
haha..
this week sure have to bring down liao..
well..

and i need to find something to boast my brain liao..
keep forgetting things...
i am really like what they say of being sotong!
haha... :)

i dont know how long i can last...

i guess..

it will reach a point of him changing his attitude and temper..

or me giving up..

i am really sick of all this arguments.. 

just like hana understanding me that i need my alone time..

and i enjoy having my alone time..

it is way better then me having to fight or argue with you over things.. 

i like to think alone..

and i seriously think that we need to clear something before it got out of hand..

back to office to have a peaceful moment..

haha

i guess office have become my bi feng gang... 

when all asking me how i feel that i am going hong kong..

my answer..

i dont feel excited at all... 

except for running away from the stress.. 

well.. i think i just hit a rock in my relationship..

since i didnt comment on your friends..
why do you have to say about my friends..
as i dont understand them well enough to say about them..

it will come a day where friends also we can fight about..

what a TGIF!

sometime it make me think that staying single make me happier..
haha...

back from a long weekend..

well...
i am out to Malaysia over the weekend with the tai tais..
haha..
well..
we didnt really go where..
maybe just KL and JB..

coz we want a staycation...
but they are all on budget..
haha.. :)

well..
sheena is sick..
so she didnt really enjoy much..
haha..
but me, hana and anneke still okay la..
not that bad..

over a weekend without baby by my side..
i kind of like the singlehood moment..
haha..

maybe coz i think these few weeks..
not a good time for us..
he is always cranky...
and i am really very tired to entertain his stupid moody mood..
so away from him with my friends..
i felt more relax..

dont ask me if it is normal..
coz it is suppose to be our sweet sweet period..
but i am kind of sian to entertain his mood swing le..

i dont deny that he is sweet at times..
coz he is really down with bad sore throat and fever over the weekend..
but he insisted to meet me ytd when i am back..
that is the sweet part of him la..

but when we meet we like dont see things eye to eye again..
so you see..
the mood of meeting up went down again..
haha..
how i hope for a day that i dont have to argue or fight with him..
he felt that it is the process of understanding each other..
but to me..
i am really very very tired..

and just imagine..
i have my 8 hrs of slp when i am oversea..
so shiok rite...
something that i can not get in Singapore..

and he is like super sweet after our fight ytd again..
so he brought me starbuck and appear at my office during lunch time today for surprise..
i am really not saying that he is not sweet..
coz he is really one sweet and cute guy..
and he pamper me a lot..
but i guess..
i need a guy that understand me more...
just that i am lazy to go out and find somemore..
a lot of ppl telling me that he is not my last one..
but i hope to make him my last one..
coz i dont have the energy and courage to go out and find another one..

2 more weeks to my hong kong trip..
but i dont really feel very excited sia..

sometime i just dont understand what i really want sia..
i really like him or i just finding company??
no longer know what i am thinking liao..
haha.. :P

coz my family members like him..
but i dont know what i actually feel for him..
maybe i am going through the phase that alicia is going through??
just have to wait for the phase to get over..
haha...

erm..
lets pray for the best to me kay.. :)

ok readers..
i got to go..
enjoy all your holiday tomorrow ya.. :)

i felt very very tired..

i dont know why..
but i guess guys also have their moment of throwing tantrum...

these few days i felt very hard to talk to baby..
he is like a wall..
and to make it worse..
he is an emotional wall..
keep blocking me out and pissing me off..

do you guys have that experiences of your bf getting angry over every single things..
den they will ignore you and make it as your fault..
 that is what i am facing now..
so i have to tahan such childishness and nonsense??

i wan to ignore that part..
but some part of me..
i cant..

well i will update later..
got to get back to work first..

so it will be another long weekend for me.. hehe..

well well..
long weekend!
yappy!! :)

i got so many things in mind to plan and do about it! :)
yeah yeah!!
sometime i felt that i need a break..
but i thgt i already have a lot of breaks.. :)

oh ya..
did i update that i am going to hong kong at the end of may..
i know..
it is just starting of may..
but i can not wait for it le..
haha.. :)

baby got to reservist..
so sian ar...

back from long weekend..

well.. 

enjoyed my long weekend.. 

haha.. 

it is always good to have friends to meet up and chit chat about life...

 

well... 

i guess what alicia say make sense to me..

some guys have stronger ego problem than other..

but i guess if you have taken a chance on him..

you might just accept that fact..

or move on with a new one..

i know my temper is bad..

but actually how bad is that??

i know i am bloody stubborn..

if i wan something i wan it..

and my ex had to endure the shits from me..

i guess it is not that bad..

since we have been together for 8 yrs plus..

i know what they meant by going to be with you for your life is the person next to you..

and not your ah ma and mum..

i know that..

coz i have a very very long inner struggle when i broke off that relationship..

the pain i went through is 3 times the normal ppl heart break..

coz i will say..

for most of relationship break up..

due to third party?? 

and we dont have that problem..

there is no third party..

comes the second question.. 

do we have problem in communication..

nope.. 

we do not have any communication breakdown..

except for my family side..

coz our plan doesnt include family matter..

as for the third bonus question is.. do i think he is the one..

i will tell you.. YES... 

coz he is the one that i planned to spend my rest of life with..

he is actually all that i needed..

and me have to force myself to let go..

i will tell you.. 

it have been worst than taking my life..

coz it just break me up when he is so near yet so far..

it break me coz i wan to show concern but i cant..

so why i am so idiot to break up... 

coz i didnt found my courage to do it and ignore the world to go with him...

not to say that he is not worth my effort..

but i will just say i am not worth his pain...

i dont have the power to stand up to my family for him..

so i let go totally..

and let myself die inside slowly..

and dont know how long i take struggling inside..

i realize that i have to pick myself up..

coz the world dont give a shit on how you fall..

you have to stand up stronger to prove to everybody..

i nv understand why you need to prove to anybody...

but everybody is telling you that.. 

so although now that everyone is telling me about baby ego problem and temper..

i will say..

see how lor..

coz i really dont have the strength to go through another break up..

some say that it is due to the confidence level for you to undergo a break up and to come up standing tall..

i will tell you..

bullshit..

coz they didnt really love a person as much as they love themselves that you want to die and no one else give a shit...

i cannot afford to undergo the same cycle again..

or i will say i no longer have the energy to do that..

i know what alicia is trying to say to me..

and we have been buddy for so long..

anything to say to my face..

i can always accept it.. 

and i accept what she is telling me..

i know if the ego and temper problem is not solved..

i will be the one suffering in the end..

but i really dont have the energy to find new one..

i am not looking far..

but it is just hard for me to even find a near one.. 

time is not the problem..

some ppl together for 10 yrs..

and ended up break up or divorce...

some have only know for 3 month and they are happily married..

i nv judge ppl by how long is their relationship..

i wun mind ppl sharing their stories or me sharing mine..

but one thing i know from all the mistakes i made is....

there is no turn back to change time or make amendment..

you just have to move on with life..

appreciate with what you have..

and well.. from what my baby say is that..

since i am not a branded person..

and i am easily contented in life..

and the funny thing about me is..

i rather 穷自己也不让我的另一半穷.

that is also why baby is angry with me and saying that he dont know i am innocent or naive..

coz this society is going to take advantage on your kindness..

for me..

i have been this society since i was 14..

i am not saying that i hao lian about it..

but i guess i did have some salts in life..

my principle is you dont do what you dont want other to do to you..

if you dont expect returns and help ppl but so how is the society going to take advantage of you..

coz all that you have done is out of your own willingness...

erm.. that is just one topic for our meet up..

haha..

so when i am free i update more kay.. :)

hehe.. :)

and we ended our k-box session with wei xin kanna diao for singing so loud that the rest of us can not hear our own singing..

haha.. :) 

den my sunday..

quite busy..

coz i went for beach cleaning with baby..

ya.. 

qi zao ba zao go clean up beach..

tiring..

haha.. 

i am an early bird..

and saw a stray dog hiding under baby's van..

coz the sun is too hot..

and he really scare me 3 times..

coz he keep coming out from the van underneath from my side..

and i thgt of baby.. 

haix... 

how i missed baby..

he is such a good and guai dog.. 

haha.. 

den we headed back home at 1pm..

coz i am really tired..

and i fell aslp on bed after shower straight away..

i took over the whole bed and he had to sleep on the floor..

luckily alicia whatapps me...

and i jumped out of bed..

coz i am suppose to meet ric, wei xin and alicia for badminton at 3.30pm.. 

and i have to force him to wake up..

we are late..

i guess we only reach there at 5pm..

so play until 6.30 pm before we go out for dinner.... 

after that i headed home coz i am really tired and i wan to slp...

knocked out..

luckily monday dont have to work...

coz i woke up at 9.30..

jump out of bed..

and took quick shower..

asking my ah ma why nv wake me up for work..

she turn to me..

i thgt today holiday..

den i was like.. oh.. i forgot..

haha.. 

did a bit of house work..

den headed out to watch the guardian of the galaxy 2 with baby... 

head down to cathay to watch... 

after that den i went back home..

coz baby got wedding dinner to attend.. :) 

and back home to ironing clothes and cleaning my stuff..