mother post..

morning all readers..
haha..

well ytd is mother day..
i wish all mummies to have enjoy their mother day... :)
although it is a bit late la..

and we have a simple celebration with dinner.. :)
all that matter is my ah ma to be happy..
well..
baby had his own celebration with his mum too...

i nv understand why..
when i meet him and when i talk to him..
it is like two totally different person..
i dont know which is the true him le..

when meet up..
it is like angel..
but when we talk on phone..
his devil all come out..

yup yup..
rite guess that i got an argument ytd..
so i dont wan to talk about it le..
since our fights are more or less the same..
and i am just tired..

his insecurity is making me turn off..
and it seem to be the case of me pushing him away due to his stupid attitude...

erm..
suppose to be a happy post de leh..
but my emo mood took over for a moment..
haha..

okay back to happy mood...
got ah ma a new elderly phone..
haha

as for my mum..
i didnt get her mother day present..
but i am sure getting a bigger present for her birthday! :)

erm.. let me think about it..
what shd i get..

as for mdm..
i rush off too early that day after training for dinner liao..
and i forget to bring the present down for mdm too..
haix..
see how kuku i can be..
haha..
this week sure have to bring down liao..
well..

and i need to find something to boast my brain liao..
keep forgetting things...
i am really like what they say of being sotong!
haha... :)

i dont know how long i can last...

i guess..

it will reach a point of him changing his attitude and temper..

or me giving up..

i am really sick of all this arguments.. 

just like hana understanding me that i need my alone time..

and i enjoy having my alone time..

it is way better then me having to fight or argue with you over things.. 

i like to think alone..

and i seriously think that we need to clear something before it got out of hand..

back to office to have a peaceful moment..

haha

i guess office have become my bi feng gang... 

when all asking me how i feel that i am going hong kong..

my answer..

i dont feel excited at all... 

except for running away from the stress.. 

well.. i think i just hit a rock in my relationship..

since i didnt comment on your friends..
why do you have to say about my friends..
as i dont understand them well enough to say about them..

it will come a day where friends also we can fight about..

what a TGIF!

sometime it make me think that staying single make me happier..
haha...

back from a long weekend..

well...
i am out to Malaysia over the weekend with the tai tais..
haha..
well..
we didnt really go where..
maybe just KL and JB..

coz we want a staycation...
but they are all on budget..
haha.. :)

well..
sheena is sick..
so she didnt really enjoy much..
haha..
but me, hana and anneke still okay la..
not that bad..

over a weekend without baby by my side..
i kind of like the singlehood moment..
haha..

maybe coz i think these few weeks..
not a good time for us..
he is always cranky...
and i am really very tired to entertain his stupid moody mood..
so away from him with my friends..
i felt more relax..

dont ask me if it is normal..
coz it is suppose to be our sweet sweet period..
but i am kind of sian to entertain his mood swing le..

i dont deny that he is sweet at times..
coz he is really down with bad sore throat and fever over the weekend..
but he insisted to meet me ytd when i am back..
that is the sweet part of him la..

but when we meet we like dont see things eye to eye again..
so you see..
the mood of meeting up went down again..
haha..
how i hope for a day that i dont have to argue or fight with him..
he felt that it is the process of understanding each other..
but to me..
i am really very very tired..

and just imagine..
i have my 8 hrs of slp when i am oversea..
so shiok rite...
something that i can not get in Singapore..

and he is like super sweet after our fight ytd again..
so he brought me starbuck and appear at my office during lunch time today for surprise..
i am really not saying that he is not sweet..
coz he is really one sweet and cute guy..
and he pamper me a lot..
but i guess..
i need a guy that understand me more...
just that i am lazy to go out and find somemore..
a lot of ppl telling me that he is not my last one..
but i hope to make him my last one..
coz i dont have the energy and courage to go out and find another one..

2 more weeks to my hong kong trip..
but i dont really feel very excited sia..

sometime i just dont understand what i really want sia..
i really like him or i just finding company??
no longer know what i am thinking liao..
haha.. :P

coz my family members like him..
but i dont know what i actually feel for him..
maybe i am going through the phase that alicia is going through??
just have to wait for the phase to get over..
haha...

erm..
lets pray for the best to me kay.. :)

ok readers..
i got to go..
enjoy all your holiday tomorrow ya.. :)

i felt very very tired..

i dont know why..
but i guess guys also have their moment of throwing tantrum...

these few days i felt very hard to talk to baby..
he is like a wall..
and to make it worse..
he is an emotional wall..
keep blocking me out and pissing me off..

do you guys have that experiences of your bf getting angry over every single things..
den they will ignore you and make it as your fault..
 that is what i am facing now..
so i have to tahan such childishness and nonsense??

i wan to ignore that part..
but some part of me..
i cant..

well i will update later..
got to get back to work first..

so it will be another long weekend for me.. hehe..

well well..
long weekend!
yappy!! :)

i got so many things in mind to plan and do about it! :)
yeah yeah!!
sometime i felt that i need a break..
but i thgt i already have a lot of breaks.. :)

oh ya..
did i update that i am going to hong kong at the end of may..
i know..
it is just starting of may..
but i can not wait for it le..
haha.. :)

baby got to reservist..
so sian ar...

back from long weekend..

well.. 

enjoyed my long weekend.. 

haha.. 

it is always good to have friends to meet up and chit chat about life...

 

well... 

i guess what alicia say make sense to me..

some guys have stronger ego problem than other..

but i guess if you have taken a chance on him..

you might just accept that fact..

or move on with a new one..

i know my temper is bad..

but actually how bad is that??

i know i am bloody stubborn..

if i wan something i wan it..

and my ex had to endure the shits from me..

i guess it is not that bad..

since we have been together for 8 yrs plus..

i know what they meant by going to be with you for your life is the person next to you..

and not your ah ma and mum..

i know that..

coz i have a very very long inner struggle when i broke off that relationship..

the pain i went through is 3 times the normal ppl heart break..

coz i will say..

for most of relationship break up..

due to third party?? 

and we dont have that problem..

there is no third party..

comes the second question.. 

do we have problem in communication..

nope.. 

we do not have any communication breakdown..

except for my family side..

coz our plan doesnt include family matter..

as for the third bonus question is.. do i think he is the one..

i will tell you.. YES... 

coz he is the one that i planned to spend my rest of life with..

he is actually all that i needed..

and me have to force myself to let go..

i will tell you.. 

it have been worst than taking my life..

coz it just break me up when he is so near yet so far..

it break me coz i wan to show concern but i cant..

so why i am so idiot to break up... 

coz i didnt found my courage to do it and ignore the world to go with him...

not to say that he is not worth my effort..

but i will just say i am not worth his pain...

i dont have the power to stand up to my family for him..

so i let go totally..

and let myself die inside slowly..

and dont know how long i take struggling inside..

i realize that i have to pick myself up..

coz the world dont give a shit on how you fall..

you have to stand up stronger to prove to everybody..

i nv understand why you need to prove to anybody...

but everybody is telling you that.. 

so although now that everyone is telling me about baby ego problem and temper..

i will say..

see how lor..

coz i really dont have the strength to go through another break up..

some say that it is due to the confidence level for you to undergo a break up and to come up standing tall..

i will tell you..

bullshit..

coz they didnt really love a person as much as they love themselves that you want to die and no one else give a shit...

i cannot afford to undergo the same cycle again..

or i will say i no longer have the energy to do that..

i know what alicia is trying to say to me..

and we have been buddy for so long..

anything to say to my face..

i can always accept it.. 

and i accept what she is telling me..

i know if the ego and temper problem is not solved..

i will be the one suffering in the end..

but i really dont have the energy to find new one..

i am not looking far..

but it is just hard for me to even find a near one.. 

time is not the problem..

some ppl together for 10 yrs..

and ended up break up or divorce...

some have only know for 3 month and they are happily married..

i nv judge ppl by how long is their relationship..

i wun mind ppl sharing their stories or me sharing mine..

but one thing i know from all the mistakes i made is....

there is no turn back to change time or make amendment..

you just have to move on with life..

appreciate with what you have..

and well.. from what my baby say is that..

since i am not a branded person..

and i am easily contented in life..

and the funny thing about me is..

i rather 穷自己也不让我的另一半穷.

that is also why baby is angry with me and saying that he dont know i am innocent or naive..

coz this society is going to take advantage on your kindness..

for me..

i have been this society since i was 14..

i am not saying that i hao lian about it..

but i guess i did have some salts in life..

my principle is you dont do what you dont want other to do to you..

if you dont expect returns and help ppl but so how is the society going to take advantage of you..

coz all that you have done is out of your own willingness...

erm.. that is just one topic for our meet up..

haha..

so when i am free i update more kay.. :)

hehe.. :)

and we ended our k-box session with wei xin kanna diao for singing so loud that the rest of us can not hear our own singing..

haha.. :) 

den my sunday..

quite busy..

coz i went for beach cleaning with baby..

ya.. 

qi zao ba zao go clean up beach..

tiring..

haha.. 

i am an early bird..

and saw a stray dog hiding under baby's van..

coz the sun is too hot..

and he really scare me 3 times..

coz he keep coming out from the van underneath from my side..

and i thgt of baby.. 

haix... 

how i missed baby..

he is such a good and guai dog.. 

haha.. 

den we headed back home at 1pm..

coz i am really tired..

and i fell aslp on bed after shower straight away..

i took over the whole bed and he had to sleep on the floor..

luckily alicia whatapps me...

and i jumped out of bed..

coz i am suppose to meet ric, wei xin and alicia for badminton at 3.30pm.. 

and i have to force him to wake up..

we are late..

i guess we only reach there at 5pm..

so play until 6.30 pm before we go out for dinner.... 

after that i headed home coz i am really tired and i wan to slp...

knocked out..

luckily monday dont have to work...

coz i woke up at 9.30..

jump out of bed..

and took quick shower..

asking my ah ma why nv wake me up for work..

she turn to me..

i thgt today holiday..

den i was like.. oh.. i forgot..

haha.. 

did a bit of house work..

den headed out to watch the guardian of the galaxy 2 with baby... 

head down to cathay to watch... 

after that den i went back home..

coz baby got wedding dinner to attend.. :) 

and back home to ironing clothes and cleaning my stuff..