A day!

Well..

down with flu and stomach flu ytd..
totally unwell..
sometime wondering why my body is like that..
haix..
got back home late too..

Luckily got my ah ma..
make soup for mi..
if not diet night again..
vomitted out all my lunch and the yellow thingy come back again..
can someone just tell me what the hell is that...

went to bed ard 11 plus..
i know it is his birthday..

type out a message when on bed:

" Happy Birthday to you!!
hope you have a good day ahead with joy and fun..
enjoy your birthday and have a blast!!
although we are no longer together..
and this is the first year that i am not celebrating your actual birthday..
but i hope we are still friends..
i still hope the best for your everything..
May you get what you wish for in term of career, studies and life!!
May you be filled with good health and wealth..
have a good year and life ahead.... "

when the clock hit 12..
instead of hitting send button..
i dun have the courage to send...
i hit the delete button and remove every single words...
haha..
shhhhhh... that is my prob okay..

and the worse of all...
i wish to send him a birthday cake and present..
but i told myself that i have to stop this nonsense..
so..
hit the bed at 12.30 with my stomach flu and hug myself to slp..

i am not trying to be pitiful or to gain anyone attention..
just saying out what i am feeling..
i think this is the only way out to vent my emotions..
as i felt that i can not find any release through talking and i dun wan to flood my friend or family with all my emotional talks..

so if it affect my readers..
i am so sorry.. just bear with my nonsense kay..

got up this morning thinking if i shd text him to pass him the present..
but i think i shd not..
coz it is no longer my deals to care and i am sure that he will not even be bother abt it....
Zi zuo duo qing! perfect word to describe me..
chinese got a saying.. bu yao na wo de lian qu tie ren jia de leng pi gu!

but i just feel weird..
shd i send or dun send..
haix..
dilemma..